By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Before going to Europe, President Biden summoned key Democrats to play poker in the hope it would pave the way for a resolution of their stalemate on his Build Back Better Plan.
Biden: Before we begin, I’m imposing only one rule. No talking politics.
Pelosi: I refuse to play unless I know beforehand that I’ll win.
Biden: We’ll all be winners. Who has the deck so we can start playing?
Manchin: You should know by now that I hold all the cards.
Biden: Time to ante up. This is going to be a high stakes game.
Sinema: I’m not putting a lot of money into the pot.
Sanders: I’d prefer to play with bigger bills rather than pennies to make things worthwhile. Richer members of this group should ante up more than those from working class backgrounds.
Biden: Krysten, you can take off your mask. Consider us a pod.
Sinema: I wear my mask so nobody can figure out what I’m feeling or thinking.
Biden: Let me deal. I’m a more artful dealer than the last president.
He deals the cards. Manchin wins the first game with a full house.
Jayapal: I hope you realize that to afford a house full of kids in real life, most people need a child tax credit, subsidized childcare and preschool, and reasonably priced housing.
Manchin: And cheap coal, natural gas, and oil to heat it! None of this tilting at windmills.
Pelosi: Remember Joe’s rule. Let’s clean up this energy talk.
Jayapal: How about some small talk instead. I’ve heard you’re bisexual. Does that mean you also don’t believe in binary political parties?
Manchin: Can we take a vote on this line of conversation? If 3 of us don’t like where it is heading, they should be able to veto it from happening.
Sinema: I concur. I’m dropping out of the game. Joe, pick up your chips and let’s leave.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.