Satire: ‘I Shot the Vandals’

To the tune of ‘I Shot the Sheriff”

By Laurie Baron, Ph.D

SAN DIEGO —

I shot the vandals, when I made myself a deputy.
I shot the vandals, shield property from jeopardy.

Walking through Kenosha town
Pointing my rifle all around.
The police had lost control.
I volunteered to patrol.
Sheriff Kyle saved the day, and I say.

I crossed the state line, but I swear it was in self-defense.
I shot the vandals, a lethal skateboard was the offense.

The rioters always hated me.
I fended off their fate for me.
Every time I shot my gun

Why didn’t they just run?
Judge favored me like a son, I say.

I shot the vandals, but never call them my victims.
I shot the vandals, vigilantism is my dictum.

Not guilty was what I deserved.
Given the noble cause I served.
I am proud I joined this fight.
For we all know white makes right.
So I shot, I shot them down, I say.

I shot the vandals, and I suppressed the unrest.
I shot the vandals, that’s what you get when you protest.

*

Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.