By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — As the end of the year nears, the studios and streaming services release movies they hope will be nominated for Oscars and other film awards. Here’s a list of some of the leading contenders.
The House of Fauci
Ex-stripper and fanatical antivaxxer Delta Omicron has contracted Covid. She kidnaps Rochelle Walensky and hires a plastic surgeon to transplant the CDC director’s face onto her face so she can pose as Walensky at a Christmas party hosted by Dr. Fauci. There she coughs all over the hors d‘oeuvres, and spits in the eggnog to infect Fauci. When Fauci does not become sick, Bill Gates appears and informs the guests that the plot failed because the computer chips he implanted in the vaccine warned Fauci not to drink or eat anything. Besides, Fauci already had his booster.
Encanto Returned Mirabel, the only child in the Madrigal family who does not possess the power of healing, treks to the United States to ask the Disney animators to endow her with the power of healing too. She is stopped at the border and forced to remain in Mexico until the animated film Encanto is no longer in theatres or being streamed.
Infernals
A blockbuster Marvel movie about infernals, humans who spontaneously combust into fire. They plan to set the world ablaze by hiking through all the drought-stricken areas of the world. A new Marvel hero, Smokey the Super Bear, foils their scheme by extinguishing the fires and dispatching Greta the Great to persuade politicians to implement policies to fight climate change.
The Power of the Dogs After the Bidens’ German Shepherd Major bites a guard, he is trained to intimidate people wearing Maga hats, Q tee shirts, or Proud Boy paraphernalia. The story culminates with Major and Clifford the Blue Dog scaring away protesters who attempt to invade the White House and chasing Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert up a tree.
Resident Evil: Welcome to Mar-a-Lago
Like Lex Luthor in his lair, Donald Trump hatches all sorts of dastardly schemes from his Florida sanctuary to regain power. There’s no spectacular way for the forces of good to stop him except to pass voting rights legislation and abolish the filibuster.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.