Parashat Vayechi: What Sustains You Through Setbacks in Life?

Parashat Vayechi

By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.

Dr. Michael Mantell

SAN DIEGO — This coming Shabbat when we read parasha Vayechi, is indeed a very special one for my family. It comes one day before we celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, on December 19th. While we are already receiving many berachot and sincere Mazal Tov’s, this parasha is perhaps not so coincidentally brimming with berachot. Indeed, this week’s parasha was also the Bar Mitzvah Torah reading of our grandson, Judah.

We’ve been blessed to be able to give the blessing of Jacob to our two sons and six grandchildren, and to put Ephraim before Menasheh, keeping Torah prominent in our lives. This first book of the Torah, ending with Vayechi, is ultimately about family, the beginning of life, the most human of all foundations, and how to successfully confront so many of the real messy issues with which families struggle. Fifty years of marriage infused with Torah have, B”H, taught us much in building a future, a nation, a land, a Jewish family, in peaceful, healthy ways, even through setbacks, for which we are wholeheartedly grateful.

What sustains you through setbacks in life? Is it your self-confidence? After all, pop psychology would have us believe that what it takes is simply true belief in yourself. But this week’s parasha Vayechi, teaches us that what strengthened and motivated Joseph was a genuine understanding of Divine providence.

How can you apply this to your life to live more optimally? Joseph’s mindset was a positive one and is recognized as a foundation of today’s “positive psychology” movement. Attending shul regularly, davening, giving tzedakah, dressing modestly…all fine. But when faced with harsh obstacles in life, be it health, career, children’s wellbeing, finances, do you bring Joseph’s באלוהים אמונה, his emunah, his faith, into your own thoughts and actions? Joseph’s faith, trust, his G-d-spark, his understanding that he was not the sole author of his life, his recognition and belief that every challenge in his life didn’t happen by accident but for a positive purpose, were his source of fuel that enabled him to continually move forward free of resentment, despair or anger.

Joseph said, “Although you intended me harm, G-d intended it for good.” Do you see truly the value emunah can have in your life, helping you think well and see the good? King Solomon said in Proverbs 19:21, “Many designs are in a man’s mind, but it is the Lord’s plan that is accomplished.” To thrive and not just survive, to bring joy and meaning, purpose, blessing and fulfillment into your life, it is essential to learn from Joseph and take a positive view anchored in emunah in every step in life. Don’t knock self-confidence. But know that real self-confidence, the kind that enables us to face life’s strains, can only grow when one has באלוהים אמונה.

Two other characteristics leap from Vayechi that lead to optimal living. Jacob’s humility and his steadfast vow to truth, koach habitul and the koach hatzemicha, were the strengths that enabled him to cultivate growth in others, help others flourish, and to transform an entire culture. We see in Jacob the profound importance of self-compassion, focusing on oneself, in the service of helping others.

Indeed, the founder of the Mussar movement, Rabbi Israel Salanter, shared, “When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. But I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my country. When I found I couldn’t change my country, I began to focus on my town. However, I discovered that I couldn’t change the town, and so as I grew older, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, but I’ve come to recognize that if long ago I had started with myself, then I could have made an impact on my family. And, my family and I could have made an impact on our town. And that, in turn, could have changed the country and we could all indeed have changed the world.”

Yaakov diffused his spiritual heritage during times of trials to faith, times that lacked morals, in a society of indecency, to Yosef and the generations that succeeded him, and to us, today, right now. These special qualities are planted within us to this very day and are ours as a source of life to build ourselves, our marriages, our families, our world.

Perhaps we learn from these interesting insights that “bad” may not be what we think it is, that “death” may not be what we think it is. The reality is rather as the Zohar points out, and as Rashi and others appear to agree with, that Yaakov didn’t die, that with open eyes and a receptive heart we can understand that when we have the “Raising of the Dead,” when Moshiach helps us turn our pain into blessings, we will see that no one ever really died.

Who doesn’t want to live a life that matters, a life that carries lasting impact? This week’s parasha may help define a path to achieve this mighty goal. Let’s look at what the Zohar reveals in its understanding of Yaakov’s death. The Zohar teaches us that eternal life can only be attained in this world. This world, not in the next world. How we live our lives, not how long we live our lives, determines our eternal life.

When our soul ascends to heaven, we bring every day we’ve lived, with us. Our days don’t disappear upon our death, but rather stay with us…forever. Every day, the special meaning we give to the days of our lives, accompany us through eternity. Therefore, keeping ourselves pure, acting with kindness, compassion, humility and truly not judging others are so essential to our eternal lives. Does this awareness help you realize the potential that awaits you?

Until then we say this Shabbat, “Chazak Chazak V’Nitcchazaike” “Be strong, Be strong and we will be strengthened.” Vayechi, after all, means “he lived.”

We are taught that every blade of grass that grows has an angel that whispers to it, “Grow, grow!” If every blade of grass has such an angel, how much more so do we? When we set ourselves in the right mindset to encourage others, are we not embodying Jacob’s prayer, “May the angel who rescued me from all harm bless these boys”? We say this each night before bedtime when we recite the Shema Yisrael, which was composed in this week’s parasha by the sons of Jacob.

Despite all the hardships in every life, the bigotry and antisemitism we face today, by continuing our commitment to Judaism, to our own growth and to the growth of those we love, yes for more than 50 years, and to our identification as proud Jews, we know that neither Jacob nor our legacy will die. And as we turn from B’reishit to the next book in our Torah, Shemot, we take with us tools of tikkun olam to hopefully bring reconciliation, understanding, and resolution so many families, and our world, so desperately need.

*
Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com