Satire: New Year’s Wishes

By Laurie Baron, Ph.D

For 2022 I wish:

That polarization will be restricted to the Arctic and Antarctic Circles.

That inflation will be restricted to grading and résumés.

That someday the only occasions when masks will be worn are costume parties, Halloween, and operations.

That a COVID variant develops that kills all other COVID variants.

That climate change will be renamed the “catastrophic crisis destroying the planet if humanity doesn’t get its act together immediately.”

That Joe Biden challenges Vladimir Putin to play a perpetual game of Risk to sublimate his aggressive tendencies and keep him distracted.

That Congress passes a law replacing mail-in voting with home computer voting and hires LifeLock to administer elections.

That the Federal government build a moat around the Capitol and add parapets atop the dome for pouring molten lead onto anyone who attempts to invade it.

That John F. Kennedy Jr. reappears fulfilling the predictions of some QAnon members and then endorses the resurrected Bobby Kennedy for president instead of Donald Trump.

That all lawsuits filed by Donald Trump are automatically declared frivolous and tossed out by the courts.

That Israeli and Palestinian leaders decide to end the perpetual cycle of violence and sign a peace treaty creating two states pledged to never attack the other.  (Yes, I realize some wishes are mere fantasies.)

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.