By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
When it comes to mitzvot, we often choose which are more comfortable, which make more sense and ultimately which we will do and not do. But as the Zohar points out, the positive commandments of which there are 248, and the negative commandments of which there are 365, correlate to the equal number of limbs and sinews of the human body, and are all essential and necessary. Cherry-picking one body part over another or one mitzvah over another, is not sensible.
This is particularly true when it comes to our responsibilities in our daily social interactions, those governing our getting along with one another in peaceful ways, the mitzvot of bein adam lechavero, of acts between ourselves and others. After all, proper behavior is supposed to be a key characteristic of our people. Yet, even here we too commonly view these as of secondary importance, yes, also seen among the most “observant.” Rather, these interpersonal mitzvot are the groundwork of our religion.
Yirmiyahu says, “Thus says God: Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom; Neither let the mighty man glory in his might; Let not the rich man glory in his riches; But let him that glories glory in this that he understands and knows Me, that I am God, who exercises mercy, justice and righteousness on earth; For in these things I delight, says God.”
Shimon the Righteous tells us that ats of kindness are one of the three things the world stands on.
Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel tells us that truth, justice and peace are what the world endures on.
Rabbi Elazar when asked by his students what a person must do to be spared the birth-pangs of the Messiah replied to study Torah and do acts of gemilut chasadim.
Recall that it was Kind David who admonished to “Guard your lips from speaking evil and turn away from evil and do good; seek out peace and run after it.”
So when I bumped into an article from 2016 written by David Bar-Cohen, “Shul – The Place for Interpersonal Mitzvot,” where the author lists 74 acts of bein adam lechavero, I was struck by the possibilities of how to transform and enrich the culture and interpersonal comfort in our shuls…and in life…and stir our Torah observance.
While we attend services to pray and perform acts of bein adam lamakom, between man and God, what if we elevated our spiritual and religious practices to include the person standing next to us at kiddush about to take that last piece of whatever that we were just about to reach for?
Here are some behaviors to elevate your shul’s welcome-ability:
- Making sure people who need, have a siddur and a chumash.
- Extending a greeting to the person who sits down near you, and in general greeting people warmly when they walk in.
- Be careful not to what someone with your tallis, either when putting it on or while davening with fervor.
- Not making yourself angry when someone sings or davens too loudly.
- Not standing right by the kiddush table and making people have to walk around you to get to the food.
- Give the other person the benefit of the doubt.
- Introduce yourself to a new face, helping people feel welcome and noticed.
- In general, look for ways to contribute, not just spectate.
No doubt, you can add to this list to boost our hopes for self-improvement. There is an old joke of the yeshiva bocher who finds that his milk is stolen from his yeshiva refrigerator and comes up with a way to deter the thief — he simply labels the milk “NOT CHOLOV YISROEL.”
Let’s transport bein adam lechavero to the level it belongs in our lives and amplify our true Torah observance, while cultivating a more enjoyable experience in our shul life.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun.
He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com