By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO — What counts in your life? Rather, what do you make count in your life? This week’s parasha may seem a bit “obsessed” with counting.
“When you take the sum of the children of Israel according to their numbers, let each one give to the Lord an atonement for his soul when they are counted; then there will be no plague among them when they are counted.”
“This they shall give, everyone who goes through the counting: half a shekel according to the holy shekel. Twenty gerahs equal one shekel; half of [such] a shekel shall be an offering to the Lord.”
“Everyone who goes through the counting, from the age of twenty and upward, shall give an offering to the Lord.”
What’s so special about all this counting and what can we learn from it? We count what matters at the Divine behest of Hashem. He directs us what to count. Yet so many of us count that which is unimportant. For through the lens of Ki Tisa, we see that counting mere numbers is empty compared to the purpose of the count.
The counting in this week’s parasha has unique importance because of the purpose behind what was counted – an offering to Hashem.
Do you count time, or do you make time count? Do you count your wealth, or do you make your wealth count? Ki Tisa teaches us to count wisely, to be sure that what counts, matters. “Learn to be indifferent to what makes no difference,” says Stoic philosopher, Marcus Aurelius.
One thing that surely matters is our faith. We live in an age with decreasing faith and trust, not just in Hashem, but in each other. Can you imagine seeing the demonstration of Hashem’s influence in the ten plagues, the splitting of the Red Sea, giving manna in the desert, the Revelation at Sinai, and STILL question the presence of Hashem in one’s life? Isn’t the greatest sin ever recorded the building of the Golden Calf rooted in impatience? “When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, the people gathered against Aaron and said to him, ‘Come, make us a god who shall go before us, for that man Moses, who brought us from the land of Egypt—we do not know what has happened to him.’”
Both the Israelites and Moses struggled to see the presence of Hashem. The people lost their savlanut, their patience, faith, and steadfastness, and demanded a visible sign of Hashem’s Presence in their lives. They wanted Aaron to help them build a golden calf, the epitome of what was forbidden by the Second Commandment. What triggered our people’s loss of faith? Why is it so difficult to remain faithful? They certainly had faith, but in the face of uncertainty, like so many today facing COVID, they could not remain steadfast in their faith. Perhaps if we look at the root of savlanut, patience, we see the root, saval, meaning to bear a very heavy load, to suffer. It’s not intolerable, awful, horrible, but it is difficult, and therefore we learn from Mussar that it is the most difficult of all character traits to master.
Were the Israelites demanding, insisting, that life go their way, that they “must see” Hashem? Did they think of circumstances unfolding around them as “awful and horrible,” not merely “unfortunate?” Were they believing, erroneously of course, that they “could not bear” the situation another moment longer? And worse, were they depreciating Hashem and Moshe, because of what they were doing, or not doing, in accord with their “musts?”
My teacher, Albert Ellis, Ph.D., once observed, “When people change their irrational beliefs to undogmatic flexible preferences, they become less disturbed.”
Rabbi Menachem Mende Lefin who wrote “Heshbon HaNefesh” (“An Accounting of the Soul”) writes: “Woe to the pampered man [or woman] who has never been trained to be patient. Either today or in the future, he is destined to sip from the cup of affliction.” Training ourselves to tolerate discomfort and frustration with patience, with flexible, less demanding thinking, is critical to being able to grow closer to Hashem. By changing our thinking, we can do so.
I want to be comfortable but I can withstand being uncomfortable and it is worthwhile to do so when doing so is a requirement for achieving a long term goal.
I want to feel good in the moment but can bear not feeling good in the moment in order to achieve a future goal.
I wish negative feelings did not exist but they will not kill me and may even be easier to withstand if I acknowledge that I can bear them.
We are certainly a “stiff-necked” people. Rabbi Simcha Zissel, one of the giants of the Lithuanian Mussar movement, taught us an unusual aspect of God’s reaction to the worship of the Golden Calf by the Israelites. The divine wrath was kindled at the people of Israel because “hinei am keshei oref hu,” “because it is a stiff-necked people.” Perhaps this suggests that stubbornness is more deserving of anger than idolatry. The Torah regards an obstinate character as more evil than an agnostic soul. A rigid will and stubborn mind, filled with brazenness, obstinacy, a “my way or the highway” attitude, is frozen from being able to see and connect with Hashem. This mindset only leads to more “disturbability,” one that prevents one from learning the ways of Hashem.
Yet, while obstinacy and stiff-neckedness may be evil character traits, Moses pointed to these characteristics as something positive! He said, “yelekh na Hashem bekirbenu ki am keshei oref hu” “Let G-d go with us because we are a stiff-necked people!” The reason G-d gave for abandoning us is the very reason Moses presents for His accepting us. So, which is it? Perhaps it can be both a mitzvah and an aveira. Perhaps it depends on how it is used. Moses is saying that the very trait that blinded us to Hashem is what keeps us strong once we’ve accepted Him…through every trial and tribulation, through every temptation and persecution, through every act of antisemitism, we grow closer to Him with our principled rational stubbornness.
Shabbat Shalom
Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com