By Jacob “#DontFlyFrontier” Kamaras
El Al Israel Airlines has announced a trilateral merger that countless travelers in the U.S. and Israel are describing as a “transaction from hell,” joining forces with the low-budget American carriers Frontier and Spirit.
Surrendering to the harsh financial realities in the airline industry on both sides of the Atlantic — most notably international travel restrictions and concerns over COVID-19 — Israel’s flag carrier turned West for its new strategic partnership.
Frontier and Spirit, known for their highly affordable base fares but highly obnoxious fees, had already announced a merger in February. At the time, Barry Biffle, President and CEO of Frontier, said the move would create “America’s Greenest Airline.” For the latest merger, the trio of airlines introduced a marketing campaign under the hashtag, “#WorldsGreenestBluestWhitestAirline,” with the latter two colors reflecting the State of Israel’s flag.
The newly formed Frontier Spirit El Al Airlines detailed a series of new fees for customers, including $72 per carry-on bag and $108 per checked bag (both denominations of the auspicious Hebrew number 18); $6 per cup of water onboard; and a required $12 per passenger for a KN95 mask.
“I was already considering switching my preferred airline after the Frontier-Spirit merger, and the addition to El Al has officially put me over the edge,” said David P. Jones, a now-former member of Frontier’s frequent flyer program. “What’s next? Charging me the air I breathe? It’s time to say it loud and clear, ‘Don’t fly Frontier!'”
Experts expressed concern that the trilateral merger would ignite a renewed wave of antisemitism.
“This merger will not only reinforce stereotypes surrounding Jewish control of a wide array of industries, but now the new wrinkle of Jewish destruction of an industry and its standards,” said Yaakov Popescu, head of the Antisemitism Insitute of Romania (AIR).
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This article is part of the San Diego Jewish World’s 2022 Purim Spoof section and is not meant to be taken literally.
Very funny!