Parashat Va’etchanan-Shabbat Nachamu: Meaningful Relationships

By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.

Dr. Michael Mantell

SAN DIEGO — Wow! Talk about a special Shabbat. First, this is Shabbat Nachamu, the Sabbath of Comfort, based on the first verse of the Haftarah reading that says, “Console, console my people, says your God.” This, of course, follows Tisha B’Av in which we deeply re-experienced a litany of tragedies that have occurred throughout our history. Then this week’s Torah portion, called Va’etchanan, contains words of prayers with which we are all familiar, the Sh’ma and V’ahavta. As we learn in Sifrei D’varim 26:7, the name of our Torah reading, chanan, means to plead, and this fuels our journey into of the power of prayer. Finally, we celebrate Tu B’Av, a day of love and of meaningful relationships, the often labeled, “Jewish Valentine’s Day.”

Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel said: There were no days as happy for the Jewish people as the 15th of Av and as Yom Kippur. According to the Mishna (26b) on Tu B’Av “the daughters of Yerushalayim would go out in borrowed white dresses so as not to embarrass someone who did not have a white dress and dance in a circle in the vineyards. And what would they say? “Young man, please lift up your eyes and see what you choose for yourself for a wife. Do not set your eyes toward beauty, but set your eyes toward a good family, as the verse states: “Grace is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised” (Proverbs 31:30), and it further says: “Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates” (Proverbs 31:31). And similarly, it is written, “Go out, daughters of Zion, and see King Solomon, in the crown with which his mother crowned him on his wedding day and on the day of his heart’s rejoicing” (Song of Songs 3:11). “His wedding day” — this is the Giving of the Torah; “the day of his heart’s rejoicing” — this is the building of the Holy Temple, which shall be rebuilt speedily in our days.”

We learn from our sages that “Whoever celebrates with a bride and groom it is as if he rebuilt one of the ruins of Jerusalem.” When we rejoice with others together, when we bring a sense of authentic, non-judgmental oneness to our daily lives, when we unite our souls, we elevate the world and we actually help heal its fragmented relationship with Hashem. Nachamu, nachamu

Shabbat Nachamu is not just another Shabbat. There is a long tradition of treating it almost like a Yom Tov. The Ritva, commenting on Ta’anit 30a, says that the food we eat on this Shabbat should be extra special — like that of a chag, a festival. This is the first of seven Shabbatot of consolation, emphasizing Hashem’s compassion and ability to forgive, but the only one that has this status. Soon we will spend a full month, Elul, rousing ourselves through the sound of the Shofar. When we say Selichot we again focus on Hashem’s facility to forgive our transgressions.

I was struck by the notion in the Torah reading that comfort comes to us through both listening, “Hear oh Israel…” and through speaking, through the words of the Prophet Isaiah giving us consolation. The Sh’ma directs us to listen, to focus on our actions and behaviors, while in the words of nachamu, we see the value of Hashem’s spoken language. Indeed, true consolation for others comes in our ability to first hear what another is saying, is searching for. What we don’t say can be as powerful as what we do say at times of hardship in life. This is an important lesson deep in this parasha from which we can learn how to best provide comfort to others. When we remove barriers and join together in prayer, when we eliminate barricades and derision, when we genuinely support one another, when we are present enough to listen to another, we build community and are not alone. That is nechama. When we replace “I” with “We,” that mindset takes us from Illness to WEllness. That is nechama.

Interestingly, there are 144 verses altogether in the seven haftarot of comfort, and 143 verses contained in the so-called four portions of admonition in the Torah found in Bechukotai, Ki Tavo, Nitzavim, and Ha’azinu – 144 verses of consolation and 143 of verses of admonition. Thus, we see that our consolation outdoes admonition. If you enjoy numbers, you might appreciate knowing the remez, the hint, that Moses prayed 515 prayers to allow him to cross to the Promised Land (Devarim Rabbah 11:6). This is the same numerical value (gematria) of Va’etchanan, “and I beseeched.” And the Ba’al Haturim also notes that the word Va’etchanan shares the same numerical value with the word shirah, which means song.

Rabbi Yosef Shusterman of Chabad of Beverly Hills shares from the Ohr Somayach web site, a yeshiva in which I had the privilege of learning, in the name of Rabbi Mordechai Perlman, that there are 516 hours between the start of Rosh Hashana and the end of Hoshana Raba – which is the last chance to change a decree which was made on Yom Kippur. In the last year of his life, between Rosh Hashana and Shmini Atzeres, Moshe prayed every hour – 515 times – that Hashem should forgive him and let him cross over the Jordan. Finally, Hashem told him not to continue praying. From this we can learn the enormous power of prayer: Hashem told Moshe to stop praying to Him – implying that if Moshe had continued to pray, if he would have prayed the 516th prayer, Hashem would have acceded to his petition.

The first word of this week’s parasha, Va’etchanan, means “I pleaded.” Moshe pleaded with Hashem to see the Land of Israel. Hashem heard his pleas, and the answer? “No.”

How many times do we plead, pray, even beg Hashem for an outcome and it doesn’t go the way we wanted, demanded, insisted. The illness continues, the finances dwindle, the job doesn’t work out, or the relationship ends. Hashem hears our pleading, and the answer? “No.”

How can we have a Shabbat Nachamu, of peace and comfort, when we see so many of our prayers are answered, “No”? After all, it isn’t easy to accept our powerlessness over circumstances in life, is it? We whine about how awful it is that we prayed and Hashem “didn’t answer our prayers.” This is, of course, incorrect, since He did answer and His answer was, “No.”

In addition, whining only makes what appears not good in our limited vision, to seem far worse than it is and adds to our misery. Trusting in Hashem, his wisdom, his love for us all, doesn’t come easy. Instead, we often become demanding, angry, bitter, and turn away from Him, and in some cases, Judaism entirely. Seeing the world through a positive lens, thinking with a “positivity bias,” understanding “this, too, is for my good,” recognizing that everything He does is FOR us, not TO us, doesn’t come easy. This helps us recognize that authentic nechama teaches us that our challenges were lessons, which we will look back upon and see all of life was for the good, as we learn in Likutei Sichot, volume 19.

Unconditional acceptance, how to accept our humble lives, our disappointing accomplishments, and our unfulfilled dreams, is what Moshe is teaching us in this parasha – to find a way to make His will, our own. When facing a problem with bitachon, one does not see that a problem even exists, since one believes that Hashem does not send us problems, but rather opportunities for our wellbeing.

His directions, His instructions, are for our welfare. What a dignified and peaceful way to lead life, understanding that the tapestry of life is often filled with disappointment yet always accepting His hand in our lives, regardless of the outcome of our plan. This may be the ultimate way to live a full, purposeful life, in the end to see that what we may believe is dissatisfying and thwarting is indeed in our lives for our gain and growth. This is even more important during these seven weeks between Tisha B’Av and Rosh Hashanah, when we are all contemplating our spiritual lives, considering a path to self-improvement and becoming better versions of ourselves.

Shabbat Shalom…

*

Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com

1 thought on “Parashat Va’etchanan-Shabbat Nachamu: Meaningful Relationships”

Comments are closed.