(Tune: These Boots Are Made for Walking)
By Elona Baron as Barked to Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO —
You keep saying that you are my owner.
And I’m here to bring you joy.
You’re mistaken who’s in charge here
And don’t realize my wagging’s just a ploy.
These paws are made for walking
And that’s just what they’ll do
When I lead you outside, the walk is meant for you.
You want me to fetch the balls you’re throwing.
And I play along so you get exercise.
You keep providing room and board free
‘Cause I’m the best friend you idealize.
These paws are made for walking
And that’s just what they’ll do
When I lead you outside, the walk is meant for you.
You keep going to the toilet.
Wipe yourself after you flush it down.
When I poop you put it in a green bag.
The hierarchy is reversed around.
These paws are made for walking
And that’s just what they’ll do
When I lead you outside, the walk is meant for you.
You complain about your health insurance.
That it’s too costly to afford.
You pay my vet for shots and check-ups.
Which one of us is the other’s ward?
These paws are made for walking
And that’s just what they’ll do
When I lead you outside, the walk is meant for you.
*
Elona resides with Bonnie and Laurie Baron. The latter is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.