Satire: Feline Fabrications

By Laurie Baron, Ph.D

Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO — Congresswoman Lauren Boebert of Colorado recently claimed that teachers “are putting litter boxes in schools for students who identify as cats.” This new conspiracy theory espoused by other ultra-conservative Republicans is an extrapolation of their campaign against adjustments schools have made for transgender pupils. The grain of truth in this falsehood is that some children and teens called “furries” dress up as animals and that the district where the Columbine shooting occurred stockpiles litter in the event of an active shooter lockdown when students can’t leave their classrooms to go to the bathroom.

Although all the schools where the cat litter boxes are purportedly provided have denied the allegation, I surmise that the promoters of this sham will adduce other proof that these schools are accommodating the whims of juvenile felinists such as:

An uptick in the serving of salmon and tuna in school cafeterias.

The dispensing of hairball paste by school infirmaries.

Dead birds and mice left on the desks of teachers as gifts.

The introduction of Catonese as an elective foreign language in the curriculum.

The installation of scratching posts in classrooms.

The replacement of pot by catnip as the drug of choice among students.

This is just the start from the Republicans who are trafficking in this conspiracy theory.  Soon they will be alleging that schools put leashes on students who identify as dogs to walk them around the playground during recess.  At least those students won’t require litter boxes!

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com.