By Natasha Josefowitz, ACSW, Ph.D.
How do you decide? Do you prefer ad hoc or go through a process? Do you prefer action or caution? Do you look for information narrowly or broadly? Do you tend to opt for corporate or personal interest? Do you prefer continuity or change? Do you seek opinions or only rely on facts? Although, dear readers, you can answer: It all depends, we all have a preferred way of functioning in order to stay true to ourselves in most circumstances. This is why it is important to try to understand which modality you tend to lean towards when faced with a decision. Only self-awareness can help in choosing a different course from your “tried and true” one.
There are several types of decisions. The immediate one: Shall I eat that piece of cake? The consequences are also immediate. If opting for yes, then it’s calories and guilt. If no, there is deprivation and self-congratulation. Future decision-making can involve short-term and long-term consequences. When we accept an invitation to some event in the future, once that date arrives, we wish we didn’t have to go. The strategy to apply here is to ask ourselves if it were tomorrow, would I go? Future decisions that may possibly have life changing consequences include: Should I take this job? Some decisions affect only ourselves. Others affect a small group of people such as a family or a large group by the head of an organization. There are policy decisions which affect the whole population of a country.
My own current interest in decision-making is due to my involvement with our sales team at the retirement community where I live. Prospects are brought to my apartment who are thinking about retiring, or I may be asked to have a meal with them. I like doing this work because it helps people to plan for their future as they age. The first decision, of course, is whether to stay put or move. Moving entails going to a smaller apartment, move in with or near their children, or move to a senior living facility. If the decision is made whether and when to move to a retirement community, the next question deals with what is important to them: the levels of care, proximity to theatres and restaurants, access to shopping or nature, and then the bugaboo for most people—downsizing. What to do with the accumulated belongings over a lifetime that the kids and grandkids don’t want? I have strategies for all of the above scenarios, but the best strategy is to help people become aware of their decision-making processes—“from let’s decide and move on” to researching all the options, or postponing the decision to some undetermined future date.
Some people seem confident in their decision while others are so fearful to make a wrong one that they don’t decide, which, of course, is a decision for the status quo. I have known people agonizing over decisions, being stuck with anxiety, unable to make a move. I have also seen individuals with trigger decision-making only to regret the rapidity without thoroughness. It is important for all of us to have people we trust to consult with in this process: family members come to mind first, then there are friends, or professional service providers.
One of the issues of decision-making according to the latest research is to conserve one’s use of willpower. A book by Tierney and Baumeister, “Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength” published this year discusses willpower. I am paraphrasing from it:
“Baumeister’s study shows that people with the best self-control are the ones who structure their lives as to conserve willpower. They don’t schedule endless back-to-back meetings. Instead of deciding every morning to force themselves to exercise, they set up regular appointments to work out with a friend. They avoid temptations, like all-you-can-eat buffets, and eliminate the mental effort of making choices, averting the use of willpower.
Even the wisest people don’t make good choices when they are not rested or their glucose level is low. Baumeister points out that is why the truly wise don’t restructure the company at 4 pm. If a decision must be made late in the day, they know not to do it on an empty stomach. The best decision makers, Baumeister says, are the ones who know when not to trust themselves.”
Next time you need to make a decision, check your process and see if you seem to have a habitual way of proceeding and determine whether it works for you. You can decide how you wish to decide.
*
© Natasha Josefowitz. This article appeared initially in the La Jolla Village News. You may comment to natasha.josefowitz@sdjewishworld.com