By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO — Over the past several years when writing about this week’s Torah portion, I often shared two very contemporary lessons – never give up hope and be in control, emotionally, when dealing with oneself and with others. As the years pass, it appears these lessons are even more valuable.
Who doesn’t want to remain vibrant, active, and continuously contributing while growing older in years? The Torah is telling us that with faith in Hashem, all things work out in the end and these goals are within our reach. After all, Sarah had a child at age 100 and Abraham lived to 175 years old. The Torah reminds us that Sarah was 127 when she died (Genesis 23:1). Of course, we wisely also utilize what science tells us about possible ways to reduce diseases like dementia, to add life to our years, and years to our lives. More on that another time.
The parasha specifically tells us, “The life of Sarah was one hundred years, twenty years, and seven years.” Rashi, in Midrash Rabbah, tells us, “At the age of twenty she was like age seven in beauty, and at the age of one hundred she was like age twenty in piety. [Another version: at one hundred she was like twenty in beauty, and at twenty she was like seven in piety.]”
The Midrash HaGadol tells us this segmentation was to “To tell us that every day of her life was the equivalent of them all. At the age of one hundred years, she was like age twenty in strength, and at age twenty she was like age seven in modesty and purity; at age seven she was like age twenty in intelligence, and at age twenty she was like age one hundred in righteousness.”
Why would we ever give up on hope of an active, vibrant, full life? All we need do is pause, consider the gift, the lesson, of Chayei Sarah, and never give up believing EWOP = everything works out perfectly. As a couple, Abraham and Sarah together faced pain, obstacles, and challenges. Their emunah was painfully tested and what do they teach us? “Kol mah d’avid Rachmana l’tova oseh…” Whatever Hashem does is for the good. Sarah and Abraham believed and responded “l’tovah,” to whatever happened in their lives. They taught us to accept the bitter to get to the sweet. And here we thought pop psychology taught us the importance of positivity and unconditional acceptance.
A famed Harvard University study found that the following personality characteristics relate to happiness in aging:
- A future orientation and the ability to plan positively (“I figure if I can do this when I’m 85, I’ll be doing pretty well.”)
- The capacity for both gratitude and forgiveness
- The ability to see the world through the eyes of another
- The desire to do things with, and for, people
Does this not sound like Abraham and Sarah? Their accomplishments demonstrated the centrality of mindset, of attitude, of never giving up hope, and that age is never to be considered an obstacle to continued achievement, to worthwhile contribution and to be in the flow, fully engaged in the world. The Torah tells us that “…Abraham was old, advanced in days….” (Bereishit 24:1), referring to the effect that every day of his life left on him. In fact, the Zohar (1, 224a) teaches that “advanced in days” means that Abraham used every day of his life in the service of Hashem. His life was not defined by his body’s age, but by what his soul experienced.
Abraham is described as zakein, or well advanced in years. Zakein is an acronym for “zeh shekaneh chachma” – a person who has acquired wisdom. From the Talmud we learn that “the righteous are called living even after death.” This week’s parasha illuminates this point in the title, focusing on Sarah’s life, not her death.
The opening verse of this week’s Torah portion captures the consistency of Sarah’s life: “And the life of Sarah was one hundred years and twenty years and seven years.” Why is the word “years” repeated three times? To teach us, “that every digit is to be expounded upon individually: when she was one hundred years old, she was like a twenty-year-old in piety. And when she was twenty, she was like a seven-year-old in beauty” (Rashi from Midrash Bereishit Rabba 58:1).
Sarah’s life was resonant and bursting with the vigor of seven-year-old child, the idealism of the 20-year-old, and the wisdom of 100-year-old. She taught that no moment ought to go to waste. Her life was our archetype of a life of significance and realization of attainment. I see her life teaching that every moment is valuable.
One interpretation of word, zakein, refers to a person who is wise and reasons with wisdom and good sense. This is emotional intelligence, not simply one’s chronological age. Eliezer teaches us this week about being emotionally intelligent by showing us the value of a) knowing ourselves, b) how to control our emotions, c) how to read others and d) how to respond to others for the good.
Rashi teaches that all the years of Sarah’s life were good. But didn’t she suffer much in her life (childlessness, experiencing famine and exile, taken captive, to name a few of the adversities she faced)? Rabbi Zushe of Anipoli explained that Sarah mastered the sight to be able to see “this too is for the good.” Sarah was ceaselessly aware that events others may have viewed as bad were always from Hashem. She was capable therefore of evaluating these events as being ultimately being positive. The quality of one’s life is not reliant on external situations. In Midrash Rabba we learn that when a person is tested, it is less about the test and all about how that person masters the test. Every Biblical role model suffered in one way or another in his or her life. Nobody is exempt and we’d be wise to accept that. Those Torah giants we read about are our personal inspirations due to how they transformed their distress, allowing them to become worthy of Hashem’s grace, to become a blessing. It was only because they used their trials for the benefit of the growth of their souls, that their merit continues to shine into our lives. They grew through, they did not simply go through, adversity.
Sarah demonstrates to us, long before any superficial self-help guru does, that the purpose of life is to perfect our character. She saw that every experience Hashem places in our path is an opportunity for us to do so. Sarah teaches that living well means being in a continuously luminous relationship with Hashem. Thus, all the years of her life were good.
Further, we learn from Chassidic masters that during Sarah’s lifetime, three miracles occurred in her merit – Shabbat candles remained lit, her bread dough was blessed, and Hashem’s presence remained over her tent. These miracles relate to the commandments that Hashem entrust to women. This suggests another reminder that Sarah’s life was an exemplary representation of Jewish womanhood and motherhood.
Sarah, we see, was Isaac’s teacher. Sarah taught her son to seek his relationship with Hashem, to demonstrate admiration, devotion, and respect for his wife, and to build a family anchored in Judaism. But there’s more. In Yevamos, it describes how David Hamelech understood our character. “Three marks distinguish this nation, the Jewish people. They are merciful, they are humble, and they perform acts of kindness.” This seems to me just what Sarah exemplified.
Imagine if Sarah and Abraham gave up hope. And imagine how much more positive our own lives will be by bringing to others the emotional sensitivity we learn in this week’s Torah reading, of course firmly anchored in our deep trust in Hashem, IY’H, to 120 years.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com