By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO — What do you do when you feel vulnerable, defenseless, in danger? Like the Israelites in this week’s Torah reading, perhaps you find that your neck stiffens as you shift into an alarm reaction. Life was good when just a short while ago, the Israelites felt the presence of Hashem at Mount Sinai, when they committed themselves to obey Hashem’s commandments. Then, when their leader, Moses, did not reappear from Mount Sinai, they felt alone, and whoosh, their brain was hijacked, and they reacted as if the previous spiritual experience with Hashem never occurred.
Panicked, with now a reptilian brain, they became delusional and found what they thought was safety and protection in building a shiny object, a golden calf, one that could not provide them with any protection – let alone even utter a moo. This betrayal of Moses may be understandable in modern psychological terms of an “amygdala highjack,” but certainly it’s not a healthy mindset to be in for emunah, bitachon, and deep prayer.
Once Moses saw that Israel would not be able to withstand Hashem’s wrath at the Golden Calf, he connected his soul to them and smashed the tablets. Then he said to God, “They have sinned, and I have sinned, for I smashed the tablets. If you forgive them, forgive me also,” as we learn: “Now if you will forgive their sin . . . then forgive mine as well. But if you do not forgive them, do not forgive me either, but rather ‘wipe me out of your book that you have written.’” [32:32]. (S’fat Emet)
When Moses attempts to step in and approach Hashem to ask for forgiveness for the weakened Israelites, Hashem answers that He wants to punish them! Moses understands this to be an echo of his thinking, so he again comes to Hashem and asks Him to show him His ways. Hashem teaches us a great deal about chesed, kindness, when he responds that He will show Moses His goodness. When Moses persisted in pleading not for himself, but for all Israel, Hashem rewarded both Israel and him: “I will also do this thing that you have spoken; for you have found grace in My sight, and I know you by name” (Ex. 33:17).
“Hashem! Hashem! God compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in kindness and faithfulness, extending kindness to thousands, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin, and remitting!” Moses hears this and spends 40 days in deep meditation on these qualities from which he emerges with a powerful sparkle on his face, so strong that he was unrecognizable. Rabbi Moshe Cordovero, the 16th century Kabbalist, teaches us that when we emulate the 13 Attributes of Hashem, we too change for the good by becoming more aware, more mindful, more kindly, compassionate, truly connected in our words. The Rabbi explains that using introspection, time, and prayer, we too can emerge on a higher plane. Sound a bit like what Shabbat can bring?
The Torah reading may be seen as a superb window into what it takes to be a kind person, one filled with genuine chesed and authentic goodness. One lesson is to avoid idolatry, which comes in all forms, from money to power, to protection. And then there is the importance of practicing forgiveness. Hashem ultimately agrees to forgive the Israelites, showing us the power of forgiveness and the importance of practicing it in our own lives. The most insecure, fearful, are so emotionally tied up, however, they are unable to forgive others. Generosity is another key element in healthy functioning we see in Parasha Ki Tisa. Moses asks the Israelite to bring materials to build the Mishkan and the people respond by bringing an abundance of materials, demonstrating their generosity and willingness to give to a greater cause. We also see that when Moses came down from Mount Sinai and saw the Israelites worshipping a golden calf, he took responsibility for their actions and asked Hashem to forgive them. This teaches us the benefits of embracing responsibility for our own actions and taking steps to make things right when we make mistakes. The power of repentance is illuminated this week following the incident with the shiny golden calf, when Moses intercedes on behalf of the Israelites, and reminds us that no matter how far we may have strayed in our values, we always can repent and grow forward. Working together as a community that welcomes all, a “united kehilla,” as the Israelites did in working together to build the tabernacle and as they supported each other in their times of need, we are reminded that we are stronger when we work together.
Do you make these traits count in your life? This week’s parasha may seem a bit “obsessed” with counting, as we see,“When you take the sum of the children of Israel according to their numbers, let each one give to the Lord an atonement for his soul when they are counted; then there will be no plague among them when they are counted.”
“This they shall give, everyone who goes through the counting: half a shekel according to the holy shekel. Twenty gerahs equal one shekel; half of [such] a shekel shall be an offering to the Lord.
“Everyone who goes through the counting, from the age of twenty and upward, shall give an offering to the Lord.”
What’s so special about all this counting and what can we learn from it? We count what matters at the Divine behest of Hashem. He directs us what to count. Yet so many of us count that which is unimportant. For through the lens of Ki Tisa, we see that counting mere numbers is empty compared to the purpose of the count. What counts is not what one feels as much as what matters is the way one behaves. Being counted is one thing, being counted upon to give an offering to Hashem is another.
The counting in this week’s parasha has unique importance because of the purpose behind what was counted – an offering to Hashem. Do you count time, or do you make time count? Do you count your wealth, or do you make your wealth count? Ki Tisa teaches us to count wisely, to be sure that what counts, matters. That’s a key lesson in self-improvement through Torah.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com