By Laurie Baron
Dear Donald,
I heard you were indicted by a Soros puppet. If it’s any consolation, I hate Soros too. We need more Jewish billionaires like Sheldon Adelson. Don’t worry about it. Even though my trial for corruption has been going on since 2020, it hasn’t hurt me politically. After all, I’m Prime Minister again. I scoff at my opponents when they call me the Crime Minister.
Although you probably have a copy, I wanted to share advice from the Authoritarian Playbook which Viktor Orbán sent me after I won the last election. I already have passed my first reform. I cannot be removed from office except by a two-thirds vote of the cabinet I appointed and by a super majority of the Knesset, a majority of whose deputies belong to the parties that form my coalition. I exhibited moderation by not stipulating that my wife Sara would become Prime Minister in the unlikely event I am deposed. Donaleh, you’ve got to strike impeachment out of your Constitution. Of course, that’s easy for me to say since Israel doesn’t have a constitution.
I know you’ve done a great job packing your Supreme Court with right-wing judges, but they don’t always support you. Abolish judicial review. Then you could endow the House of Representatives elected by gerrymandered Republican districts with the right to override Supreme Court decisions. Authoritarians like us need to separate our disloyal political enemies from power rather than being limited by separation of powers.
To the extent that countries still need judges, they should be appointed by the government to guarantee they don’t interfere with its political agenda. Similarly, you don’t want your cabinet members to be hamstrung by the legal offices of their departments. Only political Kohanim like us and not the common people should have a say in such matters.
I realize that many Americans will be angered by these reforms and will stage protests to halt them. Of course, you and I repeatedly have discredited such subversives as anarchists and leftists. Name calling isn’t sufficient. You need an internal national guard to suppress them. I’ve given Ben-Gvir the authority and funding to mobilize one. When you’re president again, find someone like him—I’m thinking Michael Flynn—to recruit a similar militia from the ranks of the 1/6 political prisoners.
In the spirit of Pesach, let me conclude: If Pharoah ruled like us, he would have built a wall in front of the Red Sea.
Shalom (But Not for Iran or China),
Bibi
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Baron is professor emeritus at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via Lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com