By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO — Who among us is so pure as to never speak lashon hora? Who among us doesn’t exclude others? Who among us is so out of touch with oneself as to naively believe that s/he always promotes achdus within our community?
Rav Yisrael Salanter explained why the portions Tazria and Metzora follow last week’s reading, Shemini, with its laws of kashrut: because what comes out of your mouth is even more significant that what goes into your mouth.
Studies show that up to 90% of our conversations involve gossip and celebrity gossip is a 3-billion-dollar industry. We all know that gossip destroys relationships, impedes morale, harms the targeted individual’s friendships and financial status, and weakens their overall mental health.
This week’s Torah readings bring profound, overwhelming, and weighty lessons for living a healthier, more mindful, genuinely caring, and authentically considerate life.
These Torah readings may be seen as categorizing people into clean and unclean, pure and impure, categories that can be, and for certain groups of people are, used to wound lives. Declaring someone “unclean” in such a way as to not promote stigma is a good lesson for today. Just as we teach that it’s not what’s in the doctor’s black bag as much as it’s what’s in the heart of the person carrying the black bag that is associated with healing, so too must we take extreme care in not rushing to gossip about, reject, judge, or stigmatize one with an illness or deficiency of any kind. We see the very sensitive, caring, connection between the one who examines and the one who is afflicted. We learn that when we attach morality onto illness we may cause more suffering, while overlooking the benefits of providing validation, empathy, and compassion to the sick. Unclean is certainly not a moral sin. Treating those who are sick, physically, emotionally, spiritually, with dignity and honor is what we strive for in healthcare. The “patient,” literally from Latin “to suffer,” wants to be cared for, not shamed. Those who are ill can teach us to become more moral, more empathic, more caring and have patience.
We see in this week’s readings the potential for extending our own community’s heart to include those ill in body, mind, or spirit. We are further charged with fully welcoming them back after whatever diagnosis and treatment they receive for the “disease,” that does not, after all, alter their essential humanity. The Torah directs us to welcome and comfort the afflicted instead of solely expelling them. For the Sages, “visiting the sick,” bikur cholim,” is a form of “walking in Hashem’s ways” (Babylonian Talmud, Sotah 14a).
Rabbi Abraham Twerski tells the story of a young man who came to the chief Rabbi of Vilna, Rabbi Chaim Ozer Grodzinsky with a request. As this young man’s father was applying for a Rabbinical position in a town that the sage was familiar with, he asked the rabbi for a letter of approbation on his father’s behalf.
Rabbi Grodzinsky felt that the candidate was not worthy of the position, but instead of flatly refusing, he just said that he would rather not mix into the Rabbinical affairs of another city and was sure that the council of that city would make a fair and wise decision. Rabbi Grodzinsky did not realize the tirade that would be forthcoming. The young man began to spew insults and aspersions at him. The sage, however, accepted them in silence. After a few minutes of hearing the abusive language, Rabbi Grodzinsky excused himself and left the room. Students who witnessed the barrage were shocked at the young man’s brazen audacity. They were even more surprised that the Rav did not silence the young man at the start of the barrage.
Rabbi Grodzinsky turned to them. “You cannot view that onslaught on its own. You must look at the bigger picture. This young man was defending the honor of his father, and in that vein, I had to overlook his lapse.”
Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetsky tells us that the kohen who is instructed to deal with the stricken individual would properly look not only at the negah (affliction). He rather wisely and sensitively looks again at the person. Rabbi Meir Simcha HaKohen of D’vinsk explains that even if the negah has all the attributes that would lead to a declaration of tumah, there are other factors that are to be weighed. If for example the man is a groom, about to wed, impurity is not to be declared. It will ruin the upcoming festivities. If there are other mitigating circumstances, then a declaration of contagion is to be postponed. It is easy to look at a flaw and declare it as such. But one more sensitively looks at the whole person. He compassionately asks, “How is my declaration going to affect the future of this person?” He considers the circumstances that caused the negah. He empathically looks again – once at the negah – and once at the whole person.
Rabbi Eliyahu Mizrachi notes, “…in regard to stating something is absolutely [nega] or doubtfully [k’nega] a ritually pure (tahor) or impure lesion (tamei)…it is really addressing a matter of derech eretz (ethical behavior). That is, a person [should never declare a lesion to be tamei,] even if the matter is crystal clear in their eyes (vadai), instead, they must always state that the lesion is only perhaps (safek) tamei [and leave the determination to the kohen]. This is in congruence with Chazal’s dictum: ‘One should always teach his tongue to say: ‘I don’t know.’” (Talmud Bavli, Berachot 4a, Sefer Ha-Mizrachi, Vayikra 14:35). Imagine what life would be like if we ALL held to this.
As Rav Yishmael bar Rav Nachman famously said: “Derech eretz preceded the [giving of] the Torah by 26 generations.” (Midrash Vayikra Rabbah 9:3) The underlying meaning of this concept was given voice in Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah’s far earlier aphorism: “If there is no Torah, there is no derech eretz; if there is no derech eretz, there is no Torah.” (Pirkei Avot 3:17)
A person who gossips about another is banished from society for seven days to think about how s/he came to this unfortunate state. Perhaps the person recognizes that the false status s/he was trying to achieve by putting another down, by wrongly judging another, was not achieved at all. Perhaps the person uses this time for a soul check-up. Or sadly, perhaps not. The most religiously observant plummet when it comes to lashon hara.
Contemporary psychology teaches us that our essence cannot be summed, scored, or globally rated. We can rate a behavior of ours, but not our selves. We accept the notion that our worth is determined by some external measure. But our tradition, and I believe this week’s Torah readings, comes to teach us that our worth is not based on any external measure. We are worthy simply because we are beings created in the Divine image.
Genuine learners apply the words of the Talmud (Shevuot 30a) which teaches the obligation to judge others positively. “Judge your comrade righteously, you must judge your fellow favorably.” Perhaps this week’s readings will serve as a prompt for all who believe they are completely spiritually pure, and those who recognize they are far from that, to do a spiritual check-up, much like a physical check-up. Search your soul for what’s healthy, free from lashon hora, that brings people closer, that avoids judging others. It tells us in the prayers leading to the Shema, “Our Father, the merciful Father, Who acts mercifully, have mercy upon us, instill in our hearts to understand and elucidate, to listen learn, teach, safeguard, perform, and fulfill all the words of Your Torah’s teaching with love.” With love. Love. Not gossip. Not turning our backs on others. Not thinking we are better than the next. But rather, learn to perform and fulfill all the words…with love. Not picking and choosing. Not racing through these words as if they don’t really apply to us. Identify those points in your neshomah that require growth…and take steps to enhance yourself and our community.
As Rabbi Tzvi Freeman has condensed the words of the Rebbe, “It is our nature, all of us, that we never attain half our goal. If we earn $100, we want to make $200. And when we reach $200, we strive for $400.
If so, our acts of kindness must grow by the same rules.” Imagine. Sigh.
After all, Hashem gifted us the Torah and His mitzvot for the purpose of purifying, improving, refining ourselves. We all need to do better. Yes, Rabbi Israel Salanter is famed for saying that it is easier to go over the entire Talmud seven times than to change one single character trait. But nevertheless, this is something we’d be wise to do for the sake of our society, our community, our synagogue…and ourselves. Let’s view these parshiot as offering us a path to examine our ways and become more genuinely thoughtful and kind to others and to ourselves.
The Hebrew words for “the plague of leprosy” are “Nega Tzaraat.” Switching the sequences of letters, “Nega (plague)” can be read as “Oneg (joy),” and “Tzaraat (leprosy)” can be read as “Atzeret (celebration).” Let’s look forward to the day when all forms of “Nega Tzaraat” will end and be transformed into “Oneg Atzeret – joyful celebration.” Rely on the words, “If it is to be, it is up to me” to move us there.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com