By Joel H. Cohen
NEW YORK — A pre-teen boy comes running home happily with news that he’s won a part in the school play..
“That’s wonderful,” his mother responds. “What part is it?”
“I play a Jewish husband,” the boy says:
“Well,” the mother responds, agitation in her voice, “you go right back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.
For some who read or hear that joke, that’s all it is — a joke. b
But for others, it may well be an illustrative anecdote, a reflection of some real-life roles. For, if truth be told, some Jewish husbands are (hard to believe) henpecked, while others are domineering, and still others, everything in between,
A certain type of husband may boast that he makes all the major decisions and leaves the minor ones to his mate.
Elaborating, he says that, for example,he decides what aid we give to the Ukraine, what our debt limit should be, and which men and women should be considered for court appointments.
Then what are some of the “small” decisions he leaves to his wife? Examples: How many kids they should have, what Shul they should belong to, where they should live, and with what people they should associate.
Does that sound like any couple you know?
My niece, Ellen Goodman, has an intriguing theory about the components of marital bliss.
She contends, “Everyone has an internal number (1-10) that reflects his or her assertive/passive nature. Basically, it’s how that person handles the things, major and minor, that come up in life — it can be paying your bills, deciding what to watch on television, choosing what and when to eat, shopping, house repairs, etc. A person who has a “take-charge” attitude and wants everything done her or his way- right now! — would have a high number (8–10).
A person who is comfortable letting someone else make the decisions would have a low number (1–3).
“Ideally, in order to have a smooth-running relationship, the couple’s combined scores should equal 10. The reason for this is simple: If their combined number is low, nothing gets done. The bills don’t get paid on time, the house is a wreck,they have no social life, etc. If their combined number is high there is too much arguing because each person wants things done their way.
But Ellen cautions, “I need to stress that there is no one correct way for a couple to achieve the number 10.
“For instance, a messy accountant would probably have a higher number for record-keeping and a lower number on housework. It doesn’t matter as long as the partner’s numbers help balance their ledger. All that counts is that the couple is happy with the way the relationship is working.”
So, men and women, we wish you many, many combined 10s.
And guys, what’s the truth about the kind of mate you are? Are you having trouble arriving at an honest answer?, Not to worry; your wife or Significant Other will gladly provide you with the accurate response.
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Joel H. Cohen is a freelance writer based in New York.