Satire: Fifty Ways to Ban Abortion

(Melody: Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover)

By Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO — We believe a fetus constitutes a life.
Whether the mother is single or a wife.
Ending Roe made the moment rife.
There must be fifty ways to ban abortions.
Fifty ways to ban abortions.

“We’ll save the ovum in the womb.
A doctor’s office should not be its tomb.
Outlaw the pills that will spell its doom.
There must be fifty ways to ban abortions.
Fifty ways to ban abortions.

Just arrest the doc, Brock.
Not after six weeks, Zeke.
Choose the right court, Mort.
Force them to give birth.

Don’t let them leave, Steve.
For a choice they’ll grieve, Steve.
Just make it a crime, men.
And rule over them.

It’s doesn’t matter if a woman has been raped.
Or if her health is in terrible shape.
Next time she should be more chaste.
There must be fifty ways to ban abortions.
Fifty ways to ban abortions.

The GOP is bound to lose more votes.
When its supporters consist of spared zygotes.
It’s OK, with me if it cuts its throat.
There must be fifty ways to blow elections.
Fifty ways to blow elections.

Just arrest the doc, Brock.
Not after six weeks, Zeke.
Choose the right court, Mort.
Just please our base.

Don’t let them leave, Steve.
For a choice they’ll grieve, Steve.
Just make it a crime, men.
And you’ll anger them!

*
Baron is professor emeritus at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via Lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com