By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO — The double parasha this week opens with instructions concerning vows, the words one preaches as personal commitments: “If a man makes a vow to Hashem or takes an oath imposing an obligation on himself, he shall not break his pledge; he must carry out all that has crossed his lips.”
אִישׁ֩ כִּֽי־יִדֹּ֨ר נֶ֜דֶר לַֽיהוָ֗ה אֽוֹ־הִשָּׁ֤בַע שְׁבֻעָה֙ לֶאְסֹ֤ר אִסָּר֙ עַל־נַפְשׁ֔וֹ לֹ֥א יַחֵ֖ל דְּבָר֑וֹ כְּכָל־הַיֹּצֵ֥א מִפִּ֖יו יַעֲשֶֽׂה׃
Moshe, in addressing the leaders, emphasizes the significance of fulfilling vows and commitments, highlighting the power of our words and the importance of integrity in our interactions. In our pursuit of inclusive kindness, we would be wise to also be mindful of our promises and obligations, ensuring that our actions align with our words.
How often do we say and promise to do something in the heat of the moment and then either forget, or worse, know that we will never be able to fulfill what we committed ourselves to do? Parashat Matot-Masei teaches us to be mindful of our speech. Preaching with our lips but not with our lives is not the Torah way. “Treat all with lovingkindness,” and then act unkindly and dismissive to some, is not what these parashat teach.
The importance of keeping to the words we espouse is particularly found in Matot. When the Israelites made a vow or an oath, they were expected to honor it. The value of integrity and of being true to our promises, rings loudly in the parasha…and we hope in our behavior as well.
Living up to our word, our commitments, is part of what it means to be a mensch. In the first of this week’s double Torah portion, Matot, we read of an injunction about the sanctity of our words: “And Moses spoke to the heads of the tribes . . . if a man takes a vow . . . he shall not desecrate his word; whatever issues from his mouth he shall do . . .” (Numbers 30:2–3). But why only the “heads of the tribes”?
We are taught that a vow is a serious commitment, a means by which we create a personal obligation, which the Torah requires strict adherence to.
Our words matter. Baruch she-amar v’hayah haolam—“Blessed is G-d who spoke and the world came to be.” Our words create reality. When we make a vow, we are giving an assurance that during these ever-changing times, some things are, indeed, forever.
Not just our reputations are damaged when our word means nothing, but the very foundation of our social relationships, trust, and our community structure grow weak and ultimately crumble.
We’re taught that each of us has three names, the one our parents bestowed upon us, the ones our friends call us, and the one we create for ourselves. Keeping our word, our vows, the actions we take, are what makes our personal name, and our reputations.
In a little more than two months, as difficult as it may seem to believe, we’ll recite the words of Kol Nidrei, letting go of last year’s vows and striving to become people who others can count on, hoping that new vows we make will help us grow into our best selves, ones we can be proud of and that contribute to the building of a healthier society.
Are our leaders learning from Matot – Massei and focused on how to connect the disconnected, to become more embracing, more openhearted, and more unifying? Can we add to our spiritual maturity and “add more space between the match and the fuse,” as Alan Morinis, Mussar teacher, notes. We can become more like Moses and ultimately have UNconditional acceptance for others, or we can be more like the those who hold negative judgment in their hearts. The choice is entirely ours.
The future of our synagogues and our community is in our hands and in our hearts. The lyrics of Yehuda’s “Kol Yisroel Chaverim” speak to the lesson in this week’s parasha:
“And when the winds of hatred blow
Please ask yourselves my friend
Have you done all that
You could have done today
V’ahavta L’reacha Kamocha
Kol Yisroel Chaverim…we are all one family, Kol Yisroel Chaverim.”
The Slonimer Rebbe, Rabbi Sholom Noach Berezovsky, זצוקללה״ה, (zekher tzadik v’kadosh livrakha,l’chayei ha’olam ha-ba ) with whom I had the privilege and honor of meeting and discussing mussar with many years ago in his yeshiva in Israel, in teaching about the “cities of refuge,” describes these as places where those who’ve committed manslaughter can find safety and a place to reflect. Today, our synagogues, temples and shuls are places where all can take inclusive refuge from a stress-filled world in our prayer, our faith, our holiness, our friends, our community, and our connection with Hashem. And when we wish each other “Shabbat Shalom,” and “Shavua Tov” we know we are given an opportunity to start again on our journey, on our path to becoming the best we can be.
True inclusive kindness, as we see in this week’s Torah study, rests on our examining our own biases and preconceptions, recognizing the humanity in every individual, and treating all with dignity and respect. It calls us to actively listen, learn from different perspectives, and engage in meaningful dialogue that bridges divides.
As we reflect on the lessons of Matot-Massei, may we be inspired to cultivate true inclusive kindness in our lives. Let us celebrate the uniqueness of every person, extend compassion to those who are marginalized, and build a society, a community, a synagogue, where everyone is embraced and valued. Through our collective efforts, we can create a world that reflects the Divine light of inclusivity, where every individual finds their rightful place in the tapestry of our beautiful humanity.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com