Satire: Unreasonable

By Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO — This week Netanyahu’s ultra-nationalist and ultra-Orthodox coalition rescinded the Israeli Supreme Court’s power to overturn governmental laws and policies deemed unreasonable.  Subsequent “reforms” will grant the ruling coalition the right to override Supreme Court decisions and appoint all the judges on the Supreme Court.  Since I have a copy of the authoritarian playbook Bibi consults, here’s what the future undemocratic Israel might look like.

Following Biblical precedents, Bibi will be coronated as the King of the Third Jewish Commonwealth and then reconstitute a Sanhedrin dedicated to the Talmudic principle of “dina de-malkhuta dina)—”the law of the land is the law.”  This should please the evangelicals who love Israel.  After all, Jesus proclaimed, “Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s.”  Given that the Sanhedrin’s rabbis will be selected by his coalition, “’What is God’s’ will be interpreted as whatever Bibi wants, Bibi gets.” The only other check on the Biblical Jewish kings was the Jeremiads of the Prophets. Has it ever dawned on Bibi that the hundreds of thousands of Israelis protesting his “reforms” may be today’s Prophets?

To suppress dissent from soldiers and officers in the Israel Defense Forces, the IDF will retain its acronym which will now stand for Indicted Dictator’s Friends.  Rather than have universal conscription, only Yeshiva extremists will be drafted.  Although this group previously refused to serve in the IDF, they will flock to the new militia whose main duties will be beating women laying tefillin and wearing tallitot at the Kotel, executing homosexuals, guarding the Third Temple, and stoning adulterers. Their earlier rationale for resisting military service was they were too busy studying the texts justifying the punishment of sinful Jews.  To train its recruits for their duties, the new IDF will hold joint exercises with Iran’s morality police.

The Supreme Court sometimes prohibited the building of illegal settlements in the West Bank and protected, albeit imperfectly, the Palestinians living there from “unreasonable” violations of their rights.  Bibi will cite parts of Hillel’s dictum to legitimize his eventual annexation of the area: “If I am not for myself, who will be?  If not now, when?”  His disdain for the condemnations voiced by democracies previously supportive of Israel indicates he doesn’t care who will be for him.

Finally, Bibi hopes to align diasporic Jewish communities with his agenda. The ADL will become the Authoritarian Defense League, the UJA the Unanimous Judicial Approval, and AIPAC Avid Insistent Partisans of Any Corruption.

Rereading this column, I found it wasn’t as funny as I had intended, but that’s because what’s happening in Israel isn’t a laughing matter.

*

Baron is professor emeritus at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via Lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com