By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO — Sarah lived to be 127 while Abraham lived to be 175. Chayei Sarah, can be translated as “The Lifetime of Sarah.” From the Talmud we learn, “the righteous are called living even after death.” Perhaps this is why the prominence of Sarah’s life is highlighted in the title, not her death.
We learn profound lessons from the lives of Sarah and Abraham about growing young and happy in older age. Yet we still seem to have the need to turn to, for example, a famed Harvard University study that found the following personality characteristics relating to happiness in aging:
- A future orientation and the ability to plan positively (“I figure if I can do this when I’m 85, I’ll be doing pretty well.”)
- The capacity for both gratitude and forgiveness
- The ability to see the world through the eyes of another
- The desire to do things with, and for, people
Perhaps the Harvard study would have been wise to reference this week’s parasha.
Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks points to what one prominent researcher identified as being related to successful aging, a) taking care of the next generation and b) sharing wisdom that comes with age. Sarah and Abraham exemplify that “while the body may age, the spirit can stay young.” Rabbi Sacks teaches that it is essential to “keep our ideals, give back to the community, share our wisdom with those who will come after us and inspire others to continue what we could not complete.”
The accomplishments of Sarah and Abraham demonstrate the centrality of this mindset, of maintaining a positive attitude, of never giving up hope, and of living with the recognition that age is never an obstacle of continually achieving, of persistent and worthwhile contribution, and of being in the flow, fully engaged in the world.
The parasha tells us, “And the life of Sarah was one hundred years and twenty years and seven years; [these were] the years of the life of Sarah.” The midrash tells us that innocence is the quality of age 7, strength is the quality of age 20 and wisdom is the quality of age 100. We see inside of this that when Sarah was one hundred years young, she had the strength of character of a twenty-year old, and when she was twenty, she had the innocence and beauty of a seven-year old child (Gen. Rabbah 58:1). As Rashi puts it, “The years of Sarah’s lifetime: All were equal for the good.”
The Torah tells us “…Abraham was old, advanced in days….” (Bereishit 24:1), referring to the effect that every day of his life left on him. In fact, the Zohar (1, 224a) teaches that “advanced in days” means that Abraham used every day of his life in the service of Hashem. His life was not defined by his body’s age, but by what his soul experienced.
Sarah prayed like a child, learned like an adult, with the energy of youth. The latter, explains Rav Soloveitchik, is a key to our growth. We can only pray with the heart of a child, he teaches, meaning that when we pray, we surrender ourselves to Hashem with total trust and dependence. Learning Torah, on the other hand, depends on intellectual sophistication, creative thinking, and the ability to dig deeply for the truth.
As we move into older age, Torah wisdom and contemporary psychological science teach us that we’d be wise to carry the ideals we’ve had from our past into our present life to secure a better future. Sound like I’m suggesting being in touch with our “inner child”? I am. Sure, we may feel that we’ve been hurt, let down, even by Hashem. But this is a reminder to cultivate our trust and faith in Him. No matter how often we’ve fallen, we seem to always stand up again. That’s the optimism that Sarah brings to her life’s journey.
Rashi teaches that all the years of Sarah’s life were good. But wait. Didn’t she suffer much in her life (childlessness, experiencing famine and exile, taken captive, to name a few of the adversities she faced)? Rabbi Zushe of Anipoli explained that Sarah mastered the ability to see that in life, “this too is for the good.” Sarah was ceaselessly aware that events others may have viewed as “bad” were always from Hashem FOR their best interest. She was capable of evaluating these events as ultimately being positive.
The quality of one’s life is not reliant on external situations. In Midrash Rabba we learn that when a person is tested, it is less about the test and all about how that person masters the test. Every Biblical role model suffered in one way or another in his or her life. Don’t we all? Nobody is exempt and we’d be wise to accept that. Those Torah giants we learn about are our personal inspirations due to how they transformed their distress, allowing themselves to become worthy of Hashem’s grace, to become a blessing. It was only because they used their trials for the benefit of the growth of their souls, that their merit continues to shine into our lives. They grew through, they did not simply go through, adversity.
Sarah demonstrates to us, long before any superficial “self-help guru” does, that the purpose of life is to perfect our character. She saw that every experience Hashem places in our path is an opportunity for us to do so. Sarah teaches that living well means being in a continuously luminous relationship with Hashem. Thus, all the years of her life were good.
Further, we learn from Chassidic masters that during Sarah’s lifetime, three miracles occurred in her merit – Shabbat candles remained lit, her bread dough was blessed, and Hashem’s presence remained over her tent. These miracles relate to the commandments that Hashem entrust to women. This suggests another reminder that Sarah’s life was an exemplary representation of Jewish womanhood and motherhood.
Sarah was Isaac’s teacher. Sarah taught her son to seek his relationship with Hashem, to demonstrate admiration, devotion, and respect for his wife, and to build a family anchored in Judaism. But there’s more. In Yevamos, it describes how David Hamelech understood our character. “Three marks distinguish this nation, the Jewish people. They are merciful, they are humble, and they perform acts of kindness.” This seems to me just what Sarah exemplified.
Both Sarah and Abraham grew old while staying young, with uncommon, exceptional, and unusual vigor. For these two, age provided no barrier to their accomplishments. They show us that we can launch ourselves onto new pathways at a time when we might anticipate retiring to rocking chairs. ReTire??? No. They they reFired and reWired and did so without having to take “Balance of Nature.”
After all, no other figure in the Torah is described with the word used to describe Abraham, zakein, well advanced in years, despite others living hundreds of years, including Adam, Noah and Methselah. Zakein is an acronym for “zeh shekaneh chachma” – a person who has acquired wisdom. One interpretation of this word, zakein, refers to a person who is wise and reasons with wisdom and good sense. This is true emotional intelligence, not simply referring to one’s chronological age. Eliezer teaches us this week the value of knowing ourselves, of controlling our emotions, and of reading and responding to others for the good. This is genuine spiritual maturity. Without knowing oneself, change and improvement is unlikely.
Sarah and Abraham’s longevity, and their accomplishments especially during their later years, offer us enhanced ways of thinking about creating meaning in our lives, regardless of our age. The Psalmist’s prayer comes to mind, “Teach us to count our days rightly, that we may obtain a wise heart” (Psalms 90:12).
Imagine if Sarah and Abraham gave up hope and failed to continually add meaning to their years. And imagine how much more positive our own lives will be as we bring emotional sensitivity to others, of course firmly anchored in our deep trust in Hashem. Let us all learn from Chayei Sarah and appreciate the benefits of aging young, of being active, intentionally, and contributing with good choices, and a long health span, IY’H, to 120 years.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com