By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO — What sustains you through inevitable setbacks in life? Is it your self-confidence? After all, pop psychology would have us believe that what it takes is simply true belief in yourself. But this week’s parasha, Vayechi, teaches us that what strengthened and motivated Joseph was a genuine understanding of Divine providence.
How can you apply this to your life to live more optimally? Joseph’s mindset was certainly a positive one and is recognized as a foundation of today’s “positive psychology” movement. Attending shul regularly, davening, giving tzedakah, dressing and living modestly…all fine. But when faced with harsh obstacles in life, be it health, career, children’s wellbeing, finances, do you bring Joseph’s באלוהים אמונה, his emunah, his faith, into your own thoughts and actions? Joseph’s faith and trust, his understanding that he was not the sole author of his life, his recognition and belief that every challenge in his life didn’t happen by accident but FOR a positive purpose, were his source of fuel that enabled him to continually move forward free of resentment, despair or anger.
Joseph said, “Although you intended me harm, Hashem intended it for good.” Do you see truly the value that emunah can have in your life, helping you think well and see clearly the good? King Solomon said in Proverbs 19:21, “Many designs are in a man’s mind, but it is the Lord’s plan that is accomplished.” To thrive and not just survive, to bring joy and meaning, purpose, blessing and fulfillment into your life, it is essential to learn from Joseph and take a positive view anchored in emunah in every step of life. We see clearly that those who see life through a lens of positivity, bring energy the world needs. Don’t knock self-confidence. But know that real self-confidence, the kind that enables us to face life’s strains in healthy resilient ways, can only grow when one has באלוהים אמונה.
Armed with this mindset, we can live above our very real problems and challenges. It is within the crucible’s fiery embrace that our mettle is forged, our essence refined. For when we discover a cause greater than ourselves, a reason to rise each dawn and meet the day with resolute spirit, even the bitterest trials morph into fertile ground for gratitude. For it is in the struggle, the very act of defying adversity, that we truly taste the nectar of existence. It is the symphony of resilience playing against the discord of hardship that awakens our hearts to the profound gift of being.
Two additional radiant threads shimmer within the tapestry of Vayechi, beckoning us toward lives divinely attuned. The first, spun with humility and forgiveness, invites us to bathe in the healing balm of reconciliation. As Joseph, cloaked in compassion, embraces his brothers who once sought his demise, we witness the transformative power of releasing bitterness and embracing brotherhood.
The second thread, woven with faith, urges us to plant the seeds of truth and hope even in the twilight of life. Witness Jacob, aged and frail, yet clinging to the promise of returning to the land of his forefathers. His unwavering trust in Hashem’s covenant illuminates the path towards a life sustained by spiritual aspirations, not bound by earthly limitations.
By embracing these spiritual threads, woven into the very fabric of Vayechi, we embark on a journey towards optimal living. Let us walk forgiven and forgiving, our hearts radiating with the transformative balm of reconciliation. Let us walk trusting and hopeful, our souls alight with the promise of celestial gardens. In such a symphony of spirit and action, we discover lives resonating with the sacred essence of Vayechi, lives attuned to the divine.
Indeed, the founder of the Mussar movement, Rabbi Israel Salanter, shared, “When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. But I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my country. When I found I couldn’t change my country, I began to focus on my town. However, I discovered that I couldn’t change the town, and so as I grew older, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, but I’ve come to recognize that if long ago I had started with myself, then I could have made an impact on my family. And, my family and I could have made an impact on our town. And that, in turn, could have changed the country and we could all indeed have changed the world.”
Jacob diffused his spiritual heritage during times of trials to faith, times that lacked morals, in a society of indecency, to Joseph and the generations that succeeded him, and to us, today, right now. These special qualities are planted within us to this very day and are ours as a source of life to build ourselves, our marriages, our families, our world.
Perhaps we learn from these interesting insights that “bad” may not be what we think it is, that “death” may not be what we think it is. The reality is rather as the Zohar points out, and as Rashi and others appear to agree with, that Yaakov didn’t die, that with open eyes and a receptive heart we can understand that when we have the “Raising of the Dead,” when Moshiach helps us turn our pain into blessings, we will see that no one ever really dies. Until then we say this Shabbat, “Chazak Chazak V’Nitcchazaike” “Be strong, be strong and we will be strengthened.” Vayechi, after all, means “he lived.”
In the swirling chaos of our current lives, a potent truth stirs – much unfolds beyond our grasp and much eludes our control. Inevitably, adversity will weave its way into our lives – people will exhibit unkindness, and, regrettably, some may intentionally inflict harm up on. Our job is to learn to make peace with that. Sure we have hurts. We’d be wise to forget what hurt us, but never forget what we learned from it. In such moments, a primal urge erupts – to react and lash back, “No doormat!” we roar, echoing Rabbi Hillel’s sacred cry: “If I am not for myself, who will be?” Indeed, the echoes of this teaching resonate with our instinctive aversion to being perceived as a mere doormat, willingly subject to the transgressions of those around us. It is in confronting the thorns in our daily lives that we learn to navigate the undergrowth, finding hidden pathways bathed in the golden glow of self-compassion. We do not do anything but grow through this mindset.
Thus, armed with awareness and compassion, we can be resilient and rise anew. Not fueled by the fires of vengeance, but by the steady embers of self-love. We defend ourselves not with shields of anger, but with the quiet dignity of those who know their worth, who refuse to let the actions of others diminish their inner light.
Remember, to react simply, mindlessly, is to be swept away by the tide of negativity. To mindfully respond is to stand tall, rooted in the unshakeable ground of our own being. It is in responding, not reacting, that we honor Rabbi Hillel’s wisdom, for in defending our inner peace, we become the best advocates for ourselves and for the world around us. Just like at the time of Chanukah, we can choose to be the light that chases away the shadows, not by mirroring their darkness, but by radiating the brilliance of our own awakened souls. As we navigate the intricate journey of life, we confront the pressing question: What purpose does clutching onto negativity ultimately serve? Within the realm of mindfulness practice, a profound and challenging concept beckons—one that is both arduous to embody and immensely powerful. It calls us to recognize that, while we lack the ability to control the actions of others, we wield the formidable power to govern ourselves and our reactions.
We are taught that every blade of grass that grows has an angel that whispers to it, “Grow, grow!” If every blade of grass has such an angel, how much more so do we? When we set ourselves in the right mindset to encourage others, are we not embodying Jacob’s prayer, “May the angel who rescued me from all harm bless these boys?” We say this positive thought each night before bedtime when we recite the Shema Yisrael, which was composed in this week’s parasha by the sons of Jacob.
Despite all the hardships in every life, the intense and harmful bigotry and antisemitism we face today, by continuing and strengthening our positivity, our commitment to Judaism, to our own growth and to the growth of those we love, and to our identification as proud Jews, we know that Jacob did not die. Nor shall we.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com