By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
EL CAJON, California — What will you focus on “passing over” as this year’s Passover holiday arrives…in a short couple of days following Shabbat Hagadol? Our Torah is called Toras Chayim, “Instructions for Life,” a manual for optimal living. This holy manual brings with it relevant and germane, readily applicable, contemporary instruction for self-improvement. In the words of our Sages, the title “metzorah,”comes from the words “motzi shem ra” – “to slander a person’s good name.” What’s this have to do with our Passover? Read on.
There’s a wonderful Midrash (aren’t they all wonderful?) about a traveling medicine salesman who roamed from town-to-town shouting, “Who wants to buy the potion of life?” One sage, Rebbe Yannai, heard this and asked the man to sell him some of this potion. This was long before television commercials with 30-second warnings of harmful side-effects of the pills they were selling. To the Rebbe’s surprise, the salesman told him he didn’t require this potion, nor did his fellow Jews, since after all, he and his people had Torah! What? A salesman not selling something?
The Rebbe pressed him until the salesman brought out a book of Psalms and shared 52:14, “Who is the man who desires life, who loves days, to see good?” He then asked the Rebbe what followed and answered himself, “Guard your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking falsehood. Turn away from evil and do good, desire peace, and pursue it.” No need to wait for heaven to reap the reward for following this instruction for a good life, since this “medicine” the salesman shared was for the present, not for tomorrow which may never come, but for today…and with no harmful side-effects.
Perhaps we need our own HIPAA laws, holy HIPAA laws:
H – Hold your words with care…Honor Hashem’s command
I – Inspire trust, not idle gossip
P – Preserve others privacy…pursue peace, not slander
A – Abstain from malicious, harmful speech
A – Avoid rumors and hearsay
What’s this have to do with Passover? Let’s read this week’s parsha very carefully and understand that we are to pass over lashon hara. The Kochav Mi Yaakov teaches us that diving into, “Did you hear about cousin___,” “Oh my, I heard everything about your friend who___,” “Can you believe what ____ did?” has the power to cause fights, hatred, animosity, all health and life harming. The parsha tells us that a “metzora” was a person afflicted with tzaraas, a spiritual ailment that affected not only the person, but her/his clothing and home because of putting forth evil. The Medrash Tehillim and Yalkut Shimoni brought this message, HaMetzora: HaMotzi Ra, tzaraas, came to a person who spoke lashon hara, who gossiped and spoke evil about others.
We learn in the Talmud in Baba Metziah 58b, that one who shames another in public, around a Seder table for instance, is as if he/she spilled that person’s blood. One who does so has no share in the World to Come, according to our teachings. But while this is true, our rabbis were not saints either. In tractate Kiddushin 30b, Rabbi Hiyya bar Abba teaches, “even a father and son or teacher and student who study Torah at the same gate become enemies of each other; yet they do not leave from there until they come to love each other.”
Do not be fooled into thinking the great Chofetz Chaim, who illuminated the laws of guarding our tongues from lashon hara, was a silent recluse. He was a consummate schmoozer, frequently engaging with others. Why? To prove one can be a friendly, outgoing social butterfly while still meticulously upholding the sacred laws against evil speech that this week’s parsha warns us about.
The Chofetz Chaim’s animated example screams: you need not retreat from society to avoid the grave sin of lashon hara! One can be vibrant and engage with the world, while ruthlessly policing every word to ensure it passes through the holy filter of halakha’s guidelines on sanctified speech. His life was a powerful rebuke to any who would use introversion as an excuse for careless tongue. Sociability and scrupulous tongue-guarding are not contradictory – they are profoundly complementary. Let us learn from the master himself how to be the life of the party while still epitomizing the parsha’s message of pristine speech.
We learn from the Chovos HaLevavos (Sha’ar HeK’neiah, Ch. 7), written by Rabbeinu Bachaya, of the sage who learned that someone was badmouthing him in shul one day. What did the Rav do? He sent the man a very beautiful gift and thanked him for relinquishing all his mitzvos and good deeds to him. The man was quite puzzled. You see, one who sits around and talks badly about another, spreading rumors and gossip, ironically is doing a great kindness to the person about whom he is slandering. The ba’al lashon hara’s good deeds are transferred to the person spoken ill about and receives all that person’s sins in return.
As we gather around the Seder table, let us be mindful of what we pass to one another. Instead of passing lashon hara – the evil speech that defiles our souls – would it not be far healthier and wiser to pass the matzah, that humble bread of affliction which reminds us to guard our tongues? Our holy Torah exalts the study of its teachings as the greatest of mitzvot. Accordingly, the sages in the Yerushalmi Talmud instruct that the sin of evil speech against others is one of the worst transgressions.
This Pesach, as we celebrate our liberation from the shackles of slavery, let us commit to freeing ourselves from the chains of malicious gossip. Let our Seder tables be altars of refined speech, where each word passes through the crucible of holiness before gracing our lips. Just as we were redeemed to become a kingdom of priests and a holy nation, so too must our tongues be sanctified instruments, dispensing words of life and upliftment rather than destructive flames. May the matzah that traverses our tables symbolize the bread of pure speech with which we nourish our souls and those around us.
Keep in mind that the Kohen who could judge another with nega’im, a condition of impurity, had to scrupulously probe himself to be sure he had genuine love, empathy, for his fellow Jew before ruling he had to be placed outside of the Jewish encampment. Lacking such empathy meant faulty character and thus that person had no right to make such a declaration. We are to love all Jews unconditionally. Indeed, as we invite “All who are hungry come and eat,” Kol dichvin yeytey v’yuchal, let’s remember that the Torah singles out the metzora but even this person has to be treated with empathy and brought into the community in a proper way. Let’s be sure we are not ignoring the one who looks or acts differently. That is not the Jewish way. There are many who feel outside the core of our communities. Some have been pushed away especially by our leaders and teachers, perhaps unknowingly. This is the time to bring all together and welcome all. We are not to judge.
As we commit to “Pass Over the Lashon Hara,” we can nourish our hunger for more hope and liberation, a foundation of the holiday of Passover. As Hashem saw not what we were, but who we had the potential of becoming, we need to see that an error or blemish in another is not the whole of that person. Lashon hara makes it quite easy to rate the person globally in an entirely negative way, based on one error or failing. We speak a form of lashon hara about ourselves to ourselves, and globally rate ourselves as well. Fail a test? “I’m a failure.” Didn’t get the job you applied for? “I’ll never be a success.” We speak lashon hara about ourselves often more than we do about others. Either way, let’s commit to “Pass Over the Lashon Hara” this Passover and look beyond the outside to that which people can become. Better yet, just pass the matzah, not the lashon hara. The more spiritual our Seders are, and the more spirituality we each bring to the world, the Chofetz Chaim teaches, the stronger and better we will all be. We pray for the day when all forms of “Nega Tzaraat” will end and be transformed into “Oneg Atzeret – joyful celebration.”
Chag Kasher V’Sameach and a Zissen Pesach
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com