By Miriam Gershenson
SAN DIEGO– It was a cold night, but the view was worth it. We didn’t realize the event would take place outside. Albert, my husband, didn’t take a sweater, I brought a thin jacket. As we approached the location, we realized the Yom HaZikaron event is the biggest event we have attended to date since moving to the area.
Security was no joke. They checked my purse and scanned Albert and me with the metal detecting wand. There was a ton of security everywhere. Police cars parked all around. I felt super safe but as I walked in, I couldn’t help but still look around for emergency exits in case something was to happen. It has been a while since I felt this fear. I attribute it to the tone of the reason why we were there.
As we walked down the path to the concert area of Humphrey’s By The Bay, there were kids, maybe teenagers in age, holding Israeli flags with water and yachts as their background. It truly was a beautiful sight to see. Throughout the event, as the sun was setting and the sky was changing colors, I kept looking over at them simply because of how picturesque the scene was. I did notice some of them just in short sleeve shirts, I wondered how they maintained standing there the entire duration of the event without shivering.
The program started and it was flipping between Hebrew and English. It was comforting to hear the language of my homeland. I don’t get a lot of opportunities to hear and speak Hebrew. It is only when I attend these Jewish events that I get a sense of where I was born and raised. It is my only connection besides my one aunt that lives in Israel with whom I speak Hebrew. Everyone else in the family is Russian speaking, even those who still live in Israel.
I can tell you the order of events thanks to the digital program we downloaded but I’ll be honest, I can’t truly speak on it all. Sometimes, my mind wandered off thinking of all those who lost their lives. I looked over to the side where there were posters of all the fallen soldiers since October 7th. I was looking there trying to read each name- each one deserves recognition. I looked at the front where there were TVs showing those who were murdered. I was thinking of them and their final moments on that horrific day. What about those who survived? The trauma they experienced and the survivors’ guilt they must carry. What about those still being held hostage? This Yom HaZikaron was unlike any other I have experienced before. This one hit a lot harder.
I thought about Daniel Ben Senior, my childhood best friend. She was at the Nova festival. It took almost a week for us to hear of her fate. While she was missing, I remember thinking, “is it better for her to be a hostage in Gaza or dead?” When news broke out that she was finally found, murdered- I had mixed feelings. On the one hand, I was relieved to hear she was not a hostage in Gaza. On the other hand, she was gone. My heart ached for her family. I remember texting her mother, I never got a response. Three weeks later, I found out she too had passed away.
I cried. I cried a lot during this event and looking around, many others did too as they were also comforting one another. The poems hit me. There was one poem, “You Will Raise A Child”- I’m at a point in my life where my husband and I are considering children. I have always wanted kids. It was never a question or a doubt in my mind. Now I wonder, is it safe for us to have them? Do I want to bring an innocent soul into such a hateful world? I fear having a child and having to experience even a fraction of what happened on October 7th. I watch as the mothers I know today are terrified for their children’s safety. I just saw some parents discuss having their kids take a gap year before going to college. Some of the conversation was around discouraging their kids from attending university at all. That is not the future I want to bring children into.
Suddenly, it was time to sing HaTikvah. We stood and the tears were rolling down my face. My voice was shaky. I realized that today, I might have felt sad and scared but on other days, most days, I’m strong and brave. I saw the people around me, I remembered our shared history. Throughout history, the world has tried to erase us, we have always prevailed. This is no different. And so I will go on fighting for us as all the others are. I will have those children that I have always dreamt of. I will continue to not only survive, but thrive.
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The order and participants of the Yom HaZikaron 2024 ceremony were as follows:
Sad Roses-Sha’ar HaNegev
My Brother Dan Ganot –Ophir Ganot
Opening Remarks — Yiftach Levy
Prayer for Return of the Hostages — Cantor Hanan Leberman
Siren
Lowering the Flag
Yizkor — Rabbi Yael Ridberg
El Male Rachamim –Rabbi Ralph Dalin
Protected Flowers — Rotal, Yarden
In Our Kindergarten — Gal, Hagit, Yud
You Will Raise a Child –Ruti Levy
The Last Line of Death — Geula Hebron
When The Heart Cries — Gal, Moria, Yud
Longing — Noya, Adi
Good Night, Shawn — Shai, Keren
Thorns — Yinnon, Moria, Yud
A Secret –Guri Stark
The Greatest Honor –Sagi
Closing Remarks — Heidi Gantwerk, President & CEO of Jewish Federation of San Diego:
Betzy Lynch, CEO of Lawrence Family JCC | JACOBS FAMILY CAMPUS; and
Noy Nehardea, Regional Manager of IAC San Diego
The Wheat Grows Again — Gal, Yud, Hagit
Hatikvah
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Miriam Gershenson is a dog-loving freelance writer based in Escondido.