By Elona Baron (as Barked to Laurie Baron)
SAN DIEGO — My human has been spending a lot of time lately watching Major League Baseball games on television. While I enjoy nothing better than being a couch potato lying next to him, I’ve noticed something that bothers me. None of the teams are named after dogs.
Doesn’t Major League Baseball realize how insulting it is to dogs to know that marlins and devil rays have teams bearing their names even though neither of those animals can run the bases or catch and retrieve balls? Why honor venomous diamondbacks when dog bites are rarely fatal? To be sure, fearsome animals like cubs [they grow into bears] and tigers might intimidate opponents, but birds like bluejays, cardinals, and orioles are non-threatening. Moreover, they’re flighty.
Isn’t the University of Georgia’s stalwart bulldog or Southern Illinois University’s speedy saluki a more appropriate animal for representing an athletic team? I realize that some dog breeds wouldn’t scare rival teams. For example, the Pittsburgh Poodles would be the laughingstock of the MLB. On the other hand, what team wouldn’t be wary of playing the Pittsburgh Pitbulls?
The National Football League is even more canine challenged than the MLB. I concede that big cats like Bengal tigers, jaguars, lions and panthers, raptors like eagles, falcons, and seahawks, and large mammals like bears, broncos, buffaloes, and rams are daunting creatures to competitors. But is anyone really afraid of a cardinal or raven? Dobermans, Great Danes, or mastiffs would certainly instill more fear and be more politically correct than native American chiefs or marauding raiders.
Finally, the NBA has engaged in canine tokenism. Yes, there is the Minnesota Timberwolves, but most dogs are domesticated and not wild. Timberwolves hurt our reputation as man’s best friend. Worst of all, one of the teams has a hornet—an insect—as its mascot! Utah is the antithesis of jazz, and it should be the first NBA team to adopt a name like the Salt Lake City Shepherds. The Golden State Warriors are ripe for being renamed the Golden State Retrievers, which would also pay homage to the most famous dog basketball player of all time, Air Bud. Representation matters, even for dogs.
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Elona resides with Bonnie and Laurie Baron. The latter is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.
Clearly, Elona hasn’t read (or gone on or been swatted by) a sports section since 2007, the last season of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. The following year the team was renamed the Tampa Bay Rays and, not coincidentally, ended a string of last-place finishes by playing in the World Series.
The St. Louis Terriers played in the Federal League during 1914–1915 and, perhaps not coincidentally, the entire baseball league died. \
In the 1920s, the National Football League had the Canton Bulldogs, who became the Cleveland Bulldogs. By the late 1920s the Bulldogs had gone belly-up – which is not unusual considering most dogs like a good belly rub now and then.
Thanks for the update and info on past dog names. Boston University has the terriers too, but it is odd that dog names are so rare in professional sports.
I laughed out loud at Pittsburg Poodles.
I was disappointed that you did not include a pug in your lineup.
The Pittsburg Pugs. My kind of team.
I had thought about the Pittsburgh Pugs, but Poodles seemed funnier.