By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Now that Donald Trump has been found guilty of falsifying business records to affect the outcome of the 2016 presidential election, Judge Merchan has the difficult decision of whether to sentence Trump to jail or another appropriate punishment. Given that sentencing Trump to prison will probably cause too much of a political uproar, here are my suggestions of fitting punishments.
Trump should be sentenced to serve as a waiter at a feminist fundraising banquet for victims of sexual assault, harassment, and misogynist slander. The featured speakers will be Stormy Daniels and E. Jean Carroll.
Trump should be sentenced to community service at a shelter for immigrants awaiting their asylum hearings. There he will have to listen to them explain why they left their countries to escape persecution, poverty, and threats to their safety.
Trump should be sentenced to caring for Biden’s dog Commander. He will be forbidden from hiring Kristi Noem to assist him if Commander bites him.
For the remainder of the year, Trump should be under house arrest. To make it easier to monitor him, he will be moved out of Mar-a Lago and interned in a tiny house that has no gold fixtures or walls. His smart phone will be confiscated for the duration of his internment.
Trump should be sentenced along with the Central Park Five to compete in a survivalist contest held in the park.
Trump should be forced to wear a device that administers painful electric shocks whenever he utters the words “corrupt,” “enemy of the people,” “disgrace,” “fake news,” “rigged,” and “sham.”
Of course, the most fitting punishment would be to compel him to admit that the 2020 election and recent court cases involving him were fair and require him to withdraw from the presidential race because he is a serial loser.
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Laurie Baron is professor emeritus at San Diego State University.
I suggest a week with Ted Cruz anywhere would be worse than any imaginable hell.
All excellent ideas – but the house arrest should also include “accomplices” Donald Jr. and Eric and their spouses and children. Melania, however, should be given possession of Mar-a-Lago and the phone numbers of local realtors.
Being forced to live alone with Melania might be punishment enough.
Great ideas