By Cailin Acosta
ENCINITAS, California – It’s not every day you can say you are now best friends with a 105-year-old. I am happy to tell you on Friday, May 31, I can report I now have a new best friend named Charlotte Marx. I attended Marx’s 105th birthday lunch at Seacrest Village in Encinitas with a contingent from Tifereth Israel Synagogue Sisterhood.
Those in attendance included her granddaughter Sarah Marx and wellwishers Anne Heller, Anne’s mother Doris Cramer (also a Seacrest resident who is 102 years old), Alesia Clark and Kiersha Marsh from Engage LifeCare, Judi Zaguli, Judy Reich, Zita Liebermensch, Sue Braun (former San Diego Unified School Board District Member), Barbara Sperling, Rabbi Mathew Marko and Olga Worm.
Gary and Pam Marx were on Zoom, and great-grandson London Marx popped in for a bit. As we all looked for seats and who to sit next to, Marx found me and said she wanted me right next to her and her granddaughter Sarah on the left. I said, “Are you sure you want me next to you? You have so many friends here?” Marx said, “You are my new friend and I want you right by my side.” I was so humbled.
The lunch started with a delightful soup, I chose the kale and white bean, and others picked the vegetable soup. As we all got served, Marx stood up and said “L’chaim! I thank you all for coming and you are all my favorite people! I thank Tifereth Sisterhood for surprising me with this lunch I knew nothing about.” We all sipped our soup and thanked Marx for providing us with the occasion. Marx chose for her main course a salmon cake which came with couscous and steamed vegetables. I think I saw her take just a few bites since she was so busy talking and got up to thank everyone who came to her party personally.
I asked Marx, “What is your secret to living a healthy 105?” Marx told me, “I worked, I ate healthy, I exercised … I still exercise, and I enjoy red wine at Happy Hour.” I said, “Hmm, I work, I maintain a vegan diet, I exercise but I guess I need to incorporate the red wine daily, that is a good idea.” Marx said, “Yes, you need to add wine daily.”
Marx wished all of us a healthy and happy life and that we all get to live to be 105 years old or longer. Marx also said that Seacrest is the best place to live and that she hopes we all live here when the time comes. Rabbi Marko blessed her as she finished and thanked her for allowing us all to be with her on her special day.
A cake came out and we sang “Happy Birthday” to her. I helped her blow the candles out since she said she couldn’t blow very hard. It is a tradition in my family that the birthday honoree cuts the first piece for themselves and whoever is helping with the cake cutting cuts the rest. So she said “I like that, I will cut my piece.” Micheal (Seacrest waiter), took the cake back and cut us all very decadent slices. Being vegan, I did indulge in having a few bites knowing this was not a vegan cake, but the bite I took was with a fresh raspberry in the chocolate cake. What a surprise and delicious explosion of flavor!
As the lunch ended, Marx invited me back to her room. Sarah and I transported her many bouquets. She showed me her room, which she kept saying was too small and I kept telling her it was less space to clean, so I loved it. Marx showed me her pictures on the walls.
I found a wall of colored photos, to me, that is fairly recent pictures. Marx said, “I am sure you know these people, they are probably your friends.” I saw one of a young Sarah and I said “I think I know her; she is my new best friend.” Sarah and I exchanged numbers as Marx told me to please come back and visit her. I said to Marx, “Absolutely, I made two best friends today and have to see you both again immediately.”
Below are stories I received from family and caretakers; Charlotte is truly a gem to all of us.
From Alesia Clark from Engage LifeCare:
Marx moved to New York at 18 as her family sent her here to avoid what was going on in Germany. She was set to marry a gentleman but was later advised by the man’s psychiatrist that he was not suitable to wed as he had some mental health issues. So she found herself alone in NYC trying to provide for herself while also speaking very little English. Fortunately, she learned of a group of people from Germany who had settled near her, and she soon learned she knew them from Germany. She went and visited, and she moved into the same apartment complex and they all grew to be great friends! She met her husband, Walter, through this group. She said they would get together every Friday night to take turns cooking a meal and fellowshipping together. They were all lifelong friends and kept connected even into old age. She is the remaining survivor. She said they also gathered for birthdays and every special occasion. She would write a poem on these special occasions for the individual being celebrated or for the occasion. She still has a notebook full of all the poems she wrote. She later wrote some poems for Seacrest events as well. Charlotte was also a talented painter.She has been an avid reader until of late because of low vision.
She has one son, named Gary, and two grandchildren, Sarah and Ben. They all adore “Oma.” I believe at some point she continued to work in retail in NYC and then I believe after she was married she worked as a secretary as well. I think how she got from NYC to San Diego is they used to vacation here and Walter played golf and as soon as he could retire here, they moved to San Diego. Her granddaughter Sarah is here as well. Her grandson Ben is in LA and her son Gary is in Michigan.
From Ben Marx (grandson to Charlotte):
Growing up, I remember viewing my grandmother simply in relationship to the rest of the family dynamic. My grandfather was the dominating patriarch and set the strict rules by which she and everyone else who entered their home had to abide. Dinner was to be on the table at 7 pm sharp and not a minute later. Looking back, I cannot fault my grandfather. His approach had been curated by his own strict upbringing. But this environment was so stifling to me as a young boy who was busting at the seams to discover the world. I was a rubber ball bouncing off the walls, right up until I crossed the threshold of their condo. At that point, I was in the “No Fun Zone.” I didn’t understand it then, but they were from a different time and mindset; one to which my grandmother felt forced to adhere for her survival. Her world had been one of danger, hardship, and pain. From fleeing Germany and losing her family in the Holocaust, to suffering through poverty in America where she didn’t speak English, my grandfather represented a security that she desperately needed.
When I went to college I studied philosophy. This opened up my world. I began debating and discussing deep concepts surrounding truth, morality, and politics with my professors and peers. It was so eye-opening to all of a sudden have a forum to try to understand my place in the world which had felt so confusing to me up to that point. I wanted to talk about these ideas with everyone.
During one holiday break, I went to spend a few days at my grandmother’s place in San Diego. By then my grandfather had died and she was living alone, in the same condo I had visited so many times. The one with the off-white furniture and carpet to match. Everything felt as clean and orderly and uptight as it had always been when I was a child. I was back in the “No Fun Zone”. My grandfather had cast a shadow larger than I ever could have known.
But my childhood thirst for discovery was still there, I was still busting at the seams, and this time I wanted to talk about all these things I had been learning about in school. Heidegger, Schopenhauer, Kant, Goethe, Frankel…all these people who had put out brilliant thoughts about the universe and our perception of it. And before I knew it, my grandmother and I were diving in. I remember us talking for hours in her living room about God and the vastness of existence.
“What?? What is my grandmother thinking about these things?” I had no idea she thought about anything besides keeping my grandfather happy…all of a sudden my entire perception shifted. She was no longer just a simple homemaker. And this was no longer the “No Fun Zone.” She was a thoughtful person with a highly creative perspective. All of a sudden I understood her in a way I never had, and vice versa. We saw ourselves in each other. It was then that we found a kinship that transcended the divide of our ages. We were instantly connected and found a light to hold and love. This carried us through the next 2.5 decades, and we’ve had the amazing opportunity to grow that love. It is far bigger than both of us, and it will last forever.”
From Pam Marx (daughter-in-law to Charlotte):
“Charlotte has been my mother-in-law for 22 years and honestly, she feels more like a mother to me. I first met Charlotte when Gary and I were still just friends. We live in Michigan and I was on a business trip in San Diego. Gary said I should give his mom a call. I did and she invited me for dinner. After a yummy chicken dinner, Charlotte pulled out all of Gary’s baby pictures and some videos. It was a lot of fun (I’m not sure which of us enjoyed it more).
“Gary and I used to visit together twice a year. Then we decided to come together once but then each of us would make a separate visit making three visits a year. On one visit Gary surprised me by renting a Mustang convertible and Charlotte and I had so much fun driving around.
“Like any mother-daughter relationship, ours has evolved in the beginning we both thought the other was perfect, then we had a brief adolescent stage (we argued) and then a true affection and understanding of each other.
“Charlotte is one of the strongest individuals that I have ever met. There are so many hardships that she has weathered. Her life story is amazing. Because of her loss, she cherishes her family and friends. I truly wish we lived closer and I miss her.”
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Cailin Acosta is the assistant editor of San Diego Jewish World.