Kissing Girls on Shabbat by Dr. Sara Glass; New York: One Signal Publisher division of Simon & Schuster © 2024; ISBN 9781668-031216; 293 pages; $27.99
SAN DIEGO – Author Sara Glass grew up in a strictly observant Gur Hassidic family, in which the father’s word was law, except in the unlikely event that it should ever come in conflict with the word of the rebbe. When she became a married woman, her husband became her ruler. He took his cues from religious authorities about what to wear, when to have sex with her, and whether she should be allowed to pursue a doctorate.
In her memoir, she explained that among the Gur Hasidim women were taught to submit themselves to the wills of men, that doing so was expected of them by God Himself. All her sisters, but one who was bipolar, accepted this dogma.
So, of course she tried to suppress the fact that she was physically stimulated by the touch of women and conversely deadened by the touch of men. She took no joy in marital sex; it was a duty imposed upon her by the expectation of the Gur community. The only benefit of having sex with her first husband was her two children, for whom her love knew no bounds.
Her first marriage ended in divorce. A rabbinical decree said that both parties promised to raise the children according to halachah, as interpreted by two Gur rabbis. Should either party default on this requirement, custody of the children would revert to the other partner. A civil divorce decree was acquired almost as an afterthought.
Although she knew that she thrilled to the touch of women, Glass did not self-identify as a lesbian. She entered a second marriage with a man—a very kind man, who lavished her with attention and a high standard of living. Although she was grateful to him, and felt affection for him, she knew she was living a lie. Before she ended the marriage, however, she wanted to test whether she was really a lesbian, and so discovered herself amazingly satisfied when she entered into a full-blown affair with a woman. Once she had proven to herself that she was gay, she divorced her second husband. They both took it very hard.
Because of the wording of her get – the rabbinical divorce decree – she remained in the closet, hiding her sexuality for fear of losing her children. But when her children began to struggle with the expectations and repression from the Gur Hasidic sect, she didn’t want them to suffer as she had suffered. She vowed to break them and herself free from their strictures.
Thereupon, she entered into a legal battle for them and for herself.
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Donald H. Harrison is publisher and editor of San Diego Jewish World. sdheritage@cox.net