By Shahar Masori
SAN DIEGO — One of the most striking differences between American and Israeli communication is the approach to politeness and directness. Americans are generally known for their politeness and often indirect communication style. They use euphemisms, hedge their statements, and tend to avoid direct confrontation. This is rooted in a cultural preference for maintaining harmony and avoiding offense. For example, an American might say, “That’s an interesting idea,” even if they disagree, to soften the blow.
In contrast, Israelis are renowned for their directness and straightforwardness. This bluntness can sometimes be mistaken for rudeness by those not familiar with the culture. However, in Israel, directness is a form of honesty and clarity. When Israelis disagree, they are likely to say so openly. This can be jarring for someone used to American subtlety, though some might appreciate the transparency. In Israel, getting to the point quickly is seen as respectful of everyone’s time and intellect.
Small talk is another area where American and Israeli styles diverge. Americans often engage in small talk as a social lubricant, easing into conversations with topics like the weather, sports, or weekend plans. It’s a way to build rapport and create a comfortable atmosphere before delving into more serious matters.
Israelis, on the other hand, may skip small talk altogether and jump straight into substantive conversations. This can be perceived as abrupt, but it reflects a cultural emphasis on staying on point and efficiency. In Israeli culture, meaningful exchanges are prioritized over pleasantries. This direct approach fosters quick connections and a sense of camaraderie, especially in professional settings where discussions often focus on getting things done.
Personal space and physical contact are other areas where American and Israeli communication styles differ significantly. Americans tend to value personal space and may feel uncomfortable with close physical proximity, especially with strangers or casual acquaintances. Handshakes are the norm for greetings, and physical contact is typically reserved for close friends and family.
In Israel, the concept of personal space is more fluid. It’s common for people to stand close to each other during conversations, and physical touch, such as a pat on the back or a hug, is more prevalent. This warmth and physicality can be surprising to Americans but are integral to Israeli social interactions. It signifies openness and a sense of belonging, reinforcing the strong community ties that are the essence of Israeli culture.
Body language and hand gestures also exhibit notable differences. Americans generally use more restrained gestures, with a focus on maintaining personal space. Handshakes, nods, and controlled expressions are typical in American interactions. Israelis, however, are more expressive with their body language. Gestures are larger, and facial expressions are more animated. The use of hands to emphasize points is common, and it adds a dynamic element to conversations that can feel more passionate and engaged. This passion should not be seen as rudeness or loudness, but rather as a reflection of the passion and intensity that Israelis bring to their interactions.
The workplace offers a rich field for examining these cultural differences. American business culture often emphasizes formality, especially in hierarchical organizations. Titles and last names are used, and there is a clear distinction between professional and personal relationships. Meetings are usually scheduled well in advance, and there is a strong adherence to agendas and protocols.
In Israeli workplaces, the atmosphere tends to be more informal and unrestricted. Colleagues often address each other by first names, regardless of rank, and the boundary between professional and personal life is more permeable. Meetings may be impromptu, and discussions can be lively and open-ended. This informal style fosters creativity and collaboration, though it can be challenging for those accustomed to more structured environments.
Humor plays a unique role in bridging cultural communication gaps. American humor often relies on politeness and understatement. Sarcasm is used, but it’s typically delivered in a way that ensures the other person understands it’s a joke. There’s a balance between being funny and being considerate.
Israeli humor, by contrast, is often bold and direct, mirroring the overall communication style. Sarcasm is more explicit, and teasing is common among friends and colleagues. This robust sense of humor is a way to cope with the country’s complex social and political landscape, offering a release valve for tension and a means of reinforcing social bonds.
Living between these two cultures has taught me the importance of adaptability in communication. In America, I’ve learned to appreciate the value of politeness and the art of small talk. These practices can make interactions smoother and help in building initial trust. In Israel, I’ve come to value the efficiency of directness and the warmth of close physical contact. This style fosters quick, genuine connections and can be incredibly effective in collaborative environments.
One personal experience stands out vividly in my mind, illustrating the stark contrast between these two cultures. Years ago, I took my seven-month-old son to visit Israel. I remember waiting for an elevator with my son in his stroller. Just as the door opened, a young (probably around 18 years old) lady pushed herself in front of me, leaving no room for the stroller and myself. She looked at me with a victory smile as if saying, “Survival of the fittest, baby.” In the United States, this scenario would likely play out quite differently. Americans, with their emphasis on politeness, would typically hold the elevator door open and allow someone with a stroller to enter first. This small incident perfectly encapsulates the broader cultural tendencies: directness and assertiveness in Israel versus the politeness and consideration prevalent in America.
Both America and Israel, as the ultimate melting pots, bring together diverse cultural elements that shape their unique communication styles. Understanding these differences and similarities not only enriches our interactions but also enhances our ability to navigate and appreciate the complexities of global communication.
As we move forward in an increasingly interconnected world, embracing these diverse communication styles can lead to more meaningful and effective exchanges. Whether through the polite subtleties of American conversation or the direct candor of Israeli dialogue, there is much to learn and appreciate in the way we connect with each other.
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Shahar Masori is a native of Hadera, Israel, who immigrated to San Diego in 2000, where he helped build a balloon decor business and raise two sons.