Portrait of a Gay Man’s Life in Jerusalem

SAN DIEGO – “Coming out to my parents in high school, they knew, and it was obvious,” Eli Kaplan-Wildmann recounted on a Zoomcast hosted by Cantor Hanan Leberman, who is serving as guest spiritual leader at Tifereth Israel Synagogue.  Kaplan-Wildmann shared his experience on Sunday, July 14, about being gay in Israel.

With Pride Month being celebrated throughout July in San Diego, Leberman introduced Kaplan-Wildmann as a good friend from Jerusalem and a very close neighbor. Kaplan-Wildmann mentioned seeing Leberman walking his dogs in the neighborhood. They both have a connection to the “stage” and have a high respect for each other. Kaplan-Wildmann’s grandmother took him to the theatre as a child so he developed a love of the art.  When he was eight years old, Kaplan-Wildmann became a magician would perform magic shows at birthday parties.

He mentioned that magic is all around us.  Magic provokes focus and wonder. He said waiting for your baggage to arrive from a flight can be magical.  When a child is born, it comes at its own time.

Kaplan-Wildmann moved to Jerusalem with his family when he was 10 years old. He attended a secular school with an art emphasis. He said this was why he was not perceived as being gay or being bullied. He wore a kippah so students saw him as religious and not gay.

He did not come out when he joined the IDF but eventually legislation passed that gay couples would receive the same benefits as straight couples.  He taught trades so that when soldiers were discharged, they would have the skills to survive.

Kaplan-Wildmann left Israel and attended New York University. After five years in the states, he felt a longing to return to Israel to establish a family and a home.  In Israel, he joined the board for Aguda, which is the association for the LBBTQ+ equality. This led to meeting and marrying his husband. Unfortunately, they divorced two years later.

He became involved in an egalitarian synagogue. A woman in shul talked about wanting to become a single mother. He came home and thought about this one Shabbat weekend. He talked to her and asked if she would be open to having a family with him. They decided they would talk in a week.

When the week was up, they wrote a contract with a lawyer, which was ratified in the court. He said the court system is very accepting in Israel. They had a girl and then they had a boy. Kaplan-Wildmann speaks English at his home with the children and the woman speaks Hebrew at hers.

Kaplan-Wildmann has a partner now and there is no rush to get married.

Leberman shared a memory of attending the Pride March on King David Street in Jerusalem and all the joy Kaplan-Wildmann exuded. Kaplan-Wildmann discussed the differences in the huge Pride Parade in Tel Aviv and the one in Jerusalem as being more family-based.

Leberman asked Kaplan-Wildmann to share his artistic creations. He showed a fidget spinner object that was included in the PJ Library Passover theme called “The Blessing Loop.” I remembered sharing that with my children received and enjoying very much.

Kaplan-Wildmann also authored a Haggadah titled Unbound that can be purchased at unboundjerusalem.com. In modern times, he said, the plagues can be related to climate change.

In closing, Kaplan-Wildmann said that Israel is very accepting of the LGBTQ+ community. He does get unaccepting looks from people when he and his boyfriend are holding hands but it is outweighed by all the other loving responses they receive.

The rabbis have made this process very acceptable He mentioned co-parenting as a gift. He said he is very fortunate to live in a part of Jerusalem that is very accepting of his lifestyle and is very safe.

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Cailin Acosta is the assistant editor of the San Diego Jewish World.