Remembering a Friend Dating Back to Our Teen Years and Through Motherhood

By Ilanit Zakowski

LOS ANGELES — Losing Adina a few weeks ago reinforced what we all know to be true- Hashem always takes the very best people from us. Although it was acknowledged how truly one-of-a-kind Adina was while she was alive, it became even more clear after her death, as stories upon stories were shared.

My friendship with Adina Batsheva Zehavi began when we were 16. We were on the same Israel Bnei Akiva summer bus. Upon meeting her, I remember thinking highly of Adina’s sense of right and wrong. She liked to have fun, but never pushed the limits, yet she was easy-going and cool and fun to be around. There was also always a modesty and humility to her in the way she dressed and spoke. She always showed interest in other people and their lives and never seemed interested in talking about herself.

We stayed in touch and arranged to be roommates in seminary at Machon Gold in Jerusalem. It was that year that I got to know Adina’s family well. Her sister, Dahlia was such a big part of her life and it was like through Adina, I had become friends with Dalia, too. To this day, I feel that special bond with Dalia because of how important she was to Adina.

Our seminary year was during the second intifada, in 2001, when terrorism was at a high in Israel. Adina was one of the few, whose parents, like mine, allowed her to leave the dorms and go places for Shabbos. I’ll never forget the memorable Shabbos we spent together at our teacher, Mrs. Schuman, on her Yishuv deep in the Shomron. This Shabbat was life-changing for me, as I made the decision to attend an Israeli Midrasha, Orot for Shana Bet, while Adina planned to stay in Machon Gold. Either way, we’d both be in Israel together.

Adina and I stayed in touch in the years following seminary- she attended my wedding in New York and I was at her wedding at the Sands in Long Island. We were both living in Israel and would attend each other’s Simchas- our children’s baby namings, brises, etc. In 2016, circumstances changed and my family and I moved back to the States. We didn’t speak for the next few years.

Then, in 2023, I came to Israel to run a marathon in Tel Aviv for my 40th birthday. I thought of Adina and wanted to get back in touch with her. She beat me to it. Out of nowhere, Adina called me and within a few hours, late at night, she came into Jerusalem to see me. This was the only night I’d be able to see all my friends, at once, but it didn’t matter- my friends became her friends.

Even my friends mentioned how, just from a few discussions, they sensed what an amazing  parent she was, speaking about each of her children with so much respect and dignity- she treated each in the way they needed. You could really tell how much she loved and respected every single one of them.

Talking to Adina for the first time in many years felt like time never passed. It was well after 12 am as she walked me to my car but we couldn’t stop talking and catching up on lost time, sharing old memories. Although a busy mom of 8 kids at the time, she was still exactly herself. Even after all these years, I felt so at ease with her. I was amazed how she came to see me, on a minute’s notice, pregnant with her ninth child. I asked if she’d be okay driving back home, pregnant, alone and so late at night. She just laughed it off, with this laugh she had, like it was no big deal and there was no need to worry about her. She’s always been tough. She’d be okay.

We promised each other we’d stay in touch and we did. We spoke/voice noted every few days. We sent each other pictures back and forth. It was like time never passed.  The next November, I came to Israel again, on a ‘solidarity’ trip, shortly after Oct. 7. Adina again came into Yerushalayim to see me and once again, it was like time never passed.

This past summer, my 17-year-old daughter was on a trip volunteering at an orphanage in Israel. Well before her trip, Emunah spent a lot of time arranging what she’d do her first free Shabbos, (actually this Shabbos, July 27). I suggested she go to Adina and her family and spend Shabbat together with Adina and her family on her yishuv, in Kochav Yaakov. Emunah was excited about this idea, Adina was ready to have them, we were all excited and awaiting for this Shabbat to take place.

But then, on Motzei Shabbat, July 1, כה סיון, I received the news that changed the lives of everyone who knew Adina forever. I checked the news in Israel as I always do after Shabbat  and saw a headline about children and a woman injured in a fire in Kochav Yaakov. The first thing I thought was ‘Kochav Yaakov! Adina!’ But what are the chances it was her? I screenshot this headline, sent it to Adina, asking if she was okay. But I didn’t hear back. This was a bit strange since Adina was always so quick to respond, no matter what hour of the day or night.

The next morning, I woke up to my husband telling me the tragic news about Adina. There was a fire on Motzei Shabbat in her house.  She saved  8 of her 9 children who were home at the time and collapsed at the very end due to smoke inhalation. She died a hero. I couldn’t process this. She was too good, too brave, too resilient to have died. This can’t be. Someone this special can’t be taken away. The world can’t continue without her.

A few weeks have passed. I am still processing that I have one less true friend in the world. One less person to write to, send pictures to, voice note, send my kids to for Shabbat, spend time with when I come to Israel. Now I realize Hashem wanted her, one of the most special people to ever live, to be up there, close to Him. The rest of us will be down here living the legacy Adina has left for us and striving to be the best we can be all because we knew her.

What made Adina so exceptional? Was it the fact that she grew up in “The 5 Towns” but was so normal and down to earth? Was it that Aliyah was never on her radar, but she just felt the desire to stay in Israel after seminary, making Israel her home forever? Was it that even as she and Aryeh became more into Chassidut and became Breslov together, she was still the same fun Adina as when she was 16? You never felt like you were talking to a changed person. She was still the same, fun, relatable Adina.

Was it that laugh, when she lightly shrugged off the topic anytime the attention diverted to her, always bringing it back to making you feel like you were the center of her world? Was it how, when coming on a quick 5-day trip to Israel from LA, she came to meet you late at night, leaving her nine kids behind, in a moment’s notice? Yet, at the same time, she made her family the center of her universe. What about how she stayed up until 1 am that night, pregnant with her 9th child, not concerned about driving those dark roads home late at night, alone, because it was so important to her to catch up with an old friend?

Was it how she was such a night owl, always going to sleep so late, but waking up with a burst of energy that lasted throughout the day? Was it how inspiring it was to see the closeness she shared with her sister, Dalia, that you felt you were just as close to Dalia as you were to Adina?

How did she do it all?

*
Ilanit Zakowski teaches about Judaism and also English as a Second Language in Los Angeles.  She is the mother of six children.