Satire: The Arbiter of Biracialism

By Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO — Donald Trump shocked the National Association of Black Journalists by revealing that Kamala Harris has identified as Indian until recently.  His highly developed sense of ethnicity and race detects the actual backgrounds of the people he loathes.  Here are some of the frauds he has exposed:

Though Drake earned his fame as a Black rapper, Trump discovered that he really is Jewish and formerly performed klezmer songs under the pseudonym Katsher.  He initially liked Drake when he heard he was a right-winger but subsequently learned that this was the position he played on his school’s hockey team.  When Drake congratulated Biden for winning in 2020, Trump labeled him a bad Jew.  Furthermore, since Drake grew up in Canada, he is a national security threat.

Barack Obama pretended to be Black only to appeal to guilty White liberals.  Obama was listed as White on his conveniently lost Kenyan birth certificate because his mother wanted him to enjoy White privilege.  Indeed, his first name originally was Barrack so people would think he was descended from a white military family.

Vanna White’s real name is Vanna Marie Rosich.  Her father was Puerto Rican.  She adopted the surname White from her mother’s second husband so she could get hired on Wheel of Fortune.  This was all part of a plot of Latin Americans to use the game show as a gateway to get White Americans to play roulette and lose their money to reduce them to the same kind poverty endured by the hordes of immigrants invading the United States.

Norah Jones presents herself as Black because Blacks do so well in American pop culture. Yet this was because she didn’t gain any traction as a sitar player like her Indian father Ravi Shankar.  The proof that she and Kamala are un-American is that they both frequent Indian restaurants instead of eating at McDonald’s.

Trump, however, is not immune from heeding his mixed identity.  He prides himself on being a White American, but his obsession with biracialism race stems from his German ancestry.  His grandfather Friedrich Trump Americanized his name to Frederick to fool future generations.  Moreover, Trump’s hair and skin continuously alternate their color.

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Laurie Baron is professor emeritus at San Diego State University.