SAN DIEGO — Perhaps this news isn’t as juicy as you were hoping but it’s still big news – for us all. Embrace the Middle is “our” book with “our” stories. Forget about being invisible, whispering about menopausal woes, and all the other bullshit associated with being a woman in midlife. We are talking publicly about what’s really going on for us (guess what men and younger women? It’s a lot more than menopause and it aint all bad), challenging outdated assumptions and stereotypes, and owning our earned gifts of age.
This is “our” book because hundreds of you (619 to be exact) responded to my midlife survey and spoke intimately with me about your journeys. Many of you shared that you were motivated to participate because our experiences are often overlooked. The attention tends to fall on the generations above and below us (you know, the ones that WE are caring for, often simultaneously.) I share our stories because they need to be told. We have a lot to say and bonds of wisdom to impart – wisdom that can benefit not only each other but also our daughters, nieces, and all generations of women to come.
This is “our” book because we need not suffer in midlife. Yes, the middle decades can be rough – hormonal chaos, unexpected caretaking demands, losing people we love, physical decline, and our more padded bellies to name a few of the challenges of these decades. But there are resources and ways to navigate these hardships that can make our experience so much more graceful than our mothers’.
And, this is “our” book because we know there is more to midlife than these issues and my research affirms this reality. We are wiser, more resilient, more self-aware, more comfortable in our skin (even if it is thinner), and don’t give as many f*cks! We have earned these gifts, and we need to remind ourselves and others of them, especially those that pretend to not see us.
My book-writing journey was not fast, linear, or easy. Its three-year evolution was punctuated with the losses of my father and a brother (two of my favorite people in the world), both of my daughters launching, and many other changes and challenges. Though I did not appreciate it at the time, navigating these profoundly difficult chapters was my real-life graduate training to write this book; I was tasked with walking my talk. There were many months when I was overcome with sorrow and had to stay present to my grief rather than write, and many other months when self-doubt and life got in the way of writing. But I persevered, discovered unexpected power and agency in the process and, in one week, Embrace the Middle will officially launch! Yay me!
Seven months ago, I wrote about how inspired and proud I was of Niecy Nash-Betts when she gave a shout-out to herself after receiving an Emmy. I encouraged us to use forgo the tendency to minimize or downplay our accomplishments and use her ownership of her well-deserved award as an example. So, here’s my shout-out to myself:
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Dr. Shayna Kaufmann is a clinical psychologist, certified mindfulness meditation teacher, decades-long Zen practitioner, and Founder of Embrace the Middle—a company dedicated to serving women in midlife.
Yay!! Congratulations!!