By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — After the second assassination attempt on Trump, the Secret Service announced new security measures to avert or thwart future attempts on his life.
In addition to those Secret Service measures, here are some suggestions for additional security.
For the remainder of the campaign, Trump will be restricted to playing miniature golf. He will be encouraged to give up golf entirely and start playing checkers.
His rallies should be held in indoor venues with limited seating capacities. This will allow Trump to honestly brag that his rallies fill up auditoriums even though Barack Obama will remind the public with hand gestures that those places are small.
For the duration of the campaign, the sale of assault rifles should be halted, and they should be confiscated from those who carry them openly. Sorry Texas! Seriously, should it really take recurring assassination attempts and mass shootings to convince lawmakers that these weapons should be banned?
Trump should be equipped with an electrical device that shocks him every time he says something inflammatory. This will have the added advantage of considerably shortening his speeches. The alternative to this is wiring his jaws shut.
Borrow the Popemobile from the Vatican to drive Trump around from airports to his campaign events. Trump would love it since he already believes he was sent by God and is infallible.
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Laurie Baron is a professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.
Another sick bit of Hostile Satire.
All good ideas.