By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Much to the surprise of the pundits, the Vice-Presidential debate was very civil, with Vance and Walz bending over backwards to agree on many things even when they didn’t. Each strove to appear to be decent. Here are some of the outtakes that didn’t make it into the broadcast of the debate.
On Springfield:
Vance: I won’t charge Haitians with eating cats and dogs because that claim didn’t go over well at the Presidential debate. But if I’d live in Springfield, I’d make sure my pet was microchipped.
Walz: We all love our cats and dogs, but President Trump owns neither, though I’ve heard he enjoys petting pussies. In Minnesota we also love chickens, cows, and pigs. I contribute to the ASPCA. Do you JD? As a boy, did you join 4-H?
Vance: No, we were so poor that we were tempted to eat cats and dogs. I have not seen any evidence that Haitians contribute to the ASPCA or that their kids join 4-H. That’s suspicious, but I agree that these organizations do good work.
On Abortion:
Vance: I don’t support a national ban on abortion, just state bans if voters and legislatures decide to impose them. I want women with unwanted pregnancies to know that we’ll gladly put their children up for adoption rather than killing them immediately after they are born like the Democrats do.
Walz: We don’t do that, but I’ve heard you kill their brains with book bans and sanitized history when they go to school. I respect your concern for women with unwanted pregnancies. After reading your book, I felt it was a shame that your mother didn’t put you up for adoption.
On 1/6:
Vance: Donald Trump told his supporters to go peacefully to the Capitol and “fight like hell, or you’re not going to have a country anymore.” The Oath Keepers and Proud Boys only brought bear spray and baseball bats in case the Department of Interior posted grizzlies to protect the Capitol or if the Capitol Police were interested in a pickup game. Anyways, forget about 1/6. Trump handed over power peacefully at the inauguration but couldn’t attend because he was busy packing government documents to ship to Mar-a-Lago. After all, during his presidency. he didn’t have time to read them.
Walz: I wasn’t there but I heard Trump texted Mike Pence “to hang around” the Capitol rather than flee it. He also responded to Pence’s inquiry if he was watching the news when the mob swarmed the Capitol by texting, “You should be watching the noose?” Although I’ve grown to like you tonight, I’m reconsidering inviting your family to Thanksgiving if you can’t admit Trump lost the election.
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Laurie Baron is a professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.
Very good, and Vance on 1/6 was brilliant. Also, it’s my understanding that when he was a child his parents were so poor that they could only afford to enroll him in 2H.