By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Two years ago I reported on how Donald Trump celebrated Yom Kippur with his son-in-law Jared. This year he zoomed his observance of it to his Jewish supporters in swing states, at least for the ones who weren’t advising liberal Jewish organizations on how to control the weather.
Donald considers the Kol Nidre the precedent for the Supreme Court’s decision on presidential immunity. When he recites it, he alters the language for the sake of political relevancy.
“All promises made during the campaign and oaths to tell the truth in court or defend the constitution on inauguration day shall be repudiated. All of them will be undone, abandoned, cancelled, null and void.”
Donald also has his own take on the opening of the gates of heaven to those who have atoned for their sins like the transgression of voting for Harris. He feels God has admitted too many of the enemies within the United States and criminal immigrants into heaven. He prays for God to build a wall to replace the flimsy gate as Donald will do after entering heaven and overthrowing God whose selection as Lord was rigged.
Donald hears a rabbi declare that three things can avert the harsh decree preventing him from being inscribed in the book of life for another year. He translates these into MAGA terms.
Prayer:
“Dear God, You destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah for their perverted wickedness, please destroy Atlanta, Chicago, Detroit, Las Vegas, Milwaukee, Phoenix, and Philadelphia before November 5th and make sure that all mail-in ballots from those cities are burned.
Your current incarnation,
Donald.
PS If you don’t believe in my divinity, I know a lot of evangelicals who disagree.
Charity: “Jesus said, ‘Charity begins at home’ or maybe that was my father or Roy Cohn. In any case I’m going to be generous and give all the surplus money I’ve raised for my campaign to my lawyers.”
Repentance: “When you’ve done nothing wrong, there’s no need to repent. I wouldn’t trust Hannibal Lecter if he claimed he repented because he’d still be covertly eating cats and dogs with the Haitians.”
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Laurie Baron is a professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University