By Donald H. Harrison
SAN DIEGO – Leaders of Za’akah, a New York-based organization fighting sexual abuse in Jewish communities, are working with a pair of San Diego County residents–Alex Kaufman, a Rancho Santa Fe attorney, and Anne Arenson-Winter, a La Jolla psychologist–to organize a local campaign.
Kaufman and Arenson-Winter have been helping to put Asher Lovy, Za’akah’s executive director, and Ariella Kay, its liaison with sexual abuse victims, in touch with San Diego County rabbis, day school and Jewish agency executives.
Za’akah means “outcry” in Hebrew and the organization seeks to train San Diego County parents and children “so that they can identify sexual abuse and know how to respond to it,” said Kaufman during a recent round table on Zoom with San Diego Jewish World.
Lovy said that his organization promotes general awareness of the often covered-up problem of sexual abuse; provides research on the topic; advocates for its victims; and exposes those instances of sexual abuse that occur in the Jewish community.
For example, say Kaufman and Arenson-Winter, many San Diegans, including some Jewish organizations, are unaware that the late Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach, famous for his catchy music, was a serial sex abuser whose conduct was the subject of some 200 complaints by women. Provided with such information about Carlebach, the head of Southern California Yeshiva (SCY) High, Rabbi Moshe Adatto, recently withdrew permission for an outside group to use SCY High facilities to celebrate Carlebach’s music, Kaufman said.
Confirming this, Adatto told San Diego Jewish World that “a group of individuals” had asked for permission to use SCY’s multipurpose room last Sunday night to celebrate Carlebach’s music and relate positive stories about his work. “I wasn’t comfortable with that,” Adatto said.
Za’akah’s outreach to Jewish community leaders in San Diego County is “to begin a conversation in earnest about what our communities are going to do to keep our children safe,” Lovy said. “The idea is to make sure that the community is aware of the problem.” The intent is “creating a safe environment for the future and also an environment in which anybody who has been abused can seek justice and can begin to heal and find understanding among the people in their community and the support they will need going forward.”
Families of sexual abuse victims are indirectly victimized, commented Ariella Kay. She said her aunt was sexually abused by the dean of her private school in the 1960s.” The aunt “eventually suicided—jumped out of a building in 1978.” Kay’s father was traumatized by his twin sister’s suicide, she added. “I have a soft spot for vulnerable people … that led me to Za’akah.”
Arenson-Winter said as a clinical psychologist who has debriefed victims of sexual violence in her practice, she volunteers for Za’akah in her semi-retirement. She told of one Orthodox girl whose brother was abusing her who had to crouch in a closet to speak with her in whispers because using the phone on Shabbat was forbidden.
While the problem of sexual abuse transcends all movements in Judaism, religious and social strictures within Orthodoxy make it more difficult to address, Lovy said.
“Orthodox are concerned much more with their marriage prospects and image is a huge part of that so if you are seen as an outsider or as different, or as damaged – if you are seen as anything like stepping out of line of the community’s rules – it may affect your future within that community,” Lovy said.
There also is the religious doctrine of mesirah, which discourages Jews from turning over to civil authorities a miscreant who could otherwise be dealt with internally, Kay commented
Kaufman, the father of three young sons, said he was drawn to Za’akah because he is a concerned parent. As an attorney, he is able to offer his knowledge of the law to help sexual abuse victims.
“We don’t have any training throughout the San Diego community geared toward children or parents,” Kaufman said. “Promoting that training is a key goal of this initiative as is facilitating discussion of this difficult topic.”
“Allowing for more open dialogue and discussion of this topic will give community leaders the tools to respond when there is a problem,” Kaufman added.
Lovy said, “We get calls from all kinds of people saying ‘I think my child has been abused. I don’t know what to do. Do I report? I really have no idea.’” He said Za’akah is engaged in similar initiatives throughout North America to prepare communities “in case something like this happens.”
Za’akah advocates yearly training sessions for staffs of synagogues, day schools and other Jewish organizations about sexual abuse. Lovy said it is not enough for organizations to write a policy paper, circulate it once, and then allow it to gather dust on a shelf.
He said there is a misconception that sexual abuse in workplaces is a matter of chance opportunity. “Abusers seek out places where they think there is a target-rich environment and where they assume they can get away with it,” he said. If a school has an educational session each year to point out the danger of sexual abuse and what to do if it occurs, abusers will not want to work there, he said.
Jewish community members desiring more information or to volunteer with Za’akah may contact Anne Arenson-Winter via this link.
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Donald H. Harrison is publisher and editor of San Diego Jewish World.