By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
EL CAJON, California — If you’re looking for a love story, this week in Toldot, we read a magnificent one, in fact, the first. You see, we are told that husband and wife are to “cleave to each other and become one flesh.” This is precisely what Isaac and Rebecca teach us so perfectly. In fact, they even prayed as one. We see this in the gematria of יצחק and רבקה totaling 515, which equals to the gematria of בשר אחד or “one flesh.” Even more, 515 is also the gematria of תפלה (Tefilah).
Is the Torah telling us that love and prayer are one? Are יצחק and רבקה coming along to show us what proper love and proper prayer are all about? After all, the first time we see the word “love” in the Torah is regarding this couple. Marriage, like prayer, יצחק and רבקה teach us this week, is wisely filled with gratitude, praise and compliments more than a list of complaints and requests. When we pray, we fill ourselves with a reminder of all the wonders that Hashem has done, and will do, in our lives.
Prayer is less about asking Hashem for things than thanking Him for our lives. The same can be said about wise marriages – we are helpers of each other, not simply givers to each other. Think of prayer and marriage filled with positivity, gratitude and praise – that’s what יצחק and רבקה reveal to us in Toldot. In fact, the Torah says “Isaac prayed to Hashem opposite his wife…What does this mean, “opposite his wife”? Our Sages explain that they were in unison, and some say they literally embraced each other face-to-face while praying. Rebecca stood opposite Isaac to be a helper, not an opponent.
Picture a brilliant light shining in the darkness – this is Rebecca’s story. When we read in Toldot that she is the “daughter of Bethuel the Aramean of Paddan-aram, sister of Laban the Aramean,” the Torah isn’t merely repeating facts we already know. Instead, I believe, it’s revealing something extraordinary about the human spirit from which we can gain great inspiration…and hope.
Imagine growing up in an environment where virtue seems foreign, where your own father and brother – Bethuel and Laban – choose paths of deceit, where the very air of Paddan-aram appears thick with dishonesty. This was Rebecca’s world. Yet, as Rashi beautifully tells us, Rebecca emerges as a testament to the power of individual choice and moral courage.
Despite these thorns in her life, Rebecca not only maintained her integrity – she also flourished. She chose righteousness when surrounded by wrongdoing, compassion when faced with callousness, and truth when encompassed by deception. Her story reminds us that our character isn’t determined by our circumstances or family background, but by the choices we make every day.
In the early years of their marriage, Isaac and Rebecca’s love was profound and mutual. She was a passionate and strong woman, while he was gentle, honest, and kind, traits that complimented and challenged each other daily. Their bond defied societal norms, as Isaac did not mind that Rebecca held a dominant role in their home; he loved her deeply, as she loved him, fully and without reserve. In fact, she was the first woman in the Torah to be described as truly loved. He was the calm in her storm, and she the fire of his soul.
Yet, despite their deep connection, they were unable to have children. Year after year, they prayed for the blessing of a child, but it seemed not to come. As time passed, the silence grew between them, and Isaac may have begun to question if Rebecca’s age might be the cause. Would he be forced to find a younger wife? The thought was painful, but it lingered.
One day, Isaac returned to Rebecca’s tent, filled with resolve. As she turned to face him, knowing the inevitable might be near, Isaac approached her with a passion that reassured her. He kissed her deeply, as if to say without words, “You are irreplaceable.”
“I thought you were going to replace me,” she whispered, her face close to his.
“Never,” Isaac replied, his voice firm.
“And the child?” she asked, still uncertain.
“Hashem will bless us when we are worthy,” he said, his love unwavering, as they stood together, trusting in Divine timing.
In Judaism, true love is not only a bond of passion and admiration but also a steadfast commitment to one another in the face of life’s trials. Isaac and Rebecca’s love exemplifies this: a love rooted in faith, patience, and the belief that Hashem shapes the course of their lives…and of ours as well.
The unity of love is seen in the numerical values of the words echad (one) and ahava (love) being the same. Genuine love is a state of being in which two become one flesh, united in their desires and fate. The deeper a couple is aware of their unity, the stronger is their love. We recognize that love is unity, a state where two souls become one, united in their aspirations, desires, and destiny. The deeper this unity grows, the stronger the love becomes. However, this unity isn’t instantaneous; it’s a daily avodah (spiritual work) that develops gradually after the commitment of marriage is made.
The moral courage and righteousness exemplified by Isaac and Rebecca continue to inspire Jewish ethics and values. Their dedication to justice, compassion, and faith set a powerful example that resonates through generations. When we today stand up against oppression, extend a helping hand to those in need, or make difficult choices in pursuit of a higher purpose, we are carrying forward the torch first lit by Isaac and Rebecca.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun.