By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
EL CAJON, California — In this week’s Torah portion, Vayeitzei, we witness Yaakov embarking on a deeply transformative journey. Fleeing the threats of his brother Esav and venturing toward his uncle Lavan, Yaakov pauses amidst his uncertainty to connect with Hashem in prayer. In this very personal and intimate moment, he opens his heart, asking for protection and the simple provisions of bread to eat and clothes to wear, while pledging his deep, genuine faith and devotion to Hashem. Is that the way we pray today, or do we pray for far more material things?
The Kli Yakar, a 17th-century commentator with profound psychological and spiritual insight, reveals the deeper meaning of Yaakov’s request. Yaakov was not negotiating his faith or asking for abundance. Instead, he was desiring the inner stability and clarity needed to stay aligned with his values. By seeking only life’s essentials, he was safeguarding himself against the distractions of material excess so present today, which pulls us away from what truly matters. This prayer is not about survival alone—it is an emotional and spiritual blueprint for fostering spiritual resilience and staying centered amidst life’s uncertainties.
I find Yaakov’s prayer deeply inspiring. It speaks to the core of what sustains emotional and spiritual well-being: the ability to prioritize our relationship with Hashem, to ground ourselves in simplicity, and to focus on what nurtures our soul rather than chasing after fleeting comforts. Yaakov’s journey reminds us that by seeking balance and clarity in our physical and spiritual needs, we create the conditions for true growth, connection, and inner peace, no matter where life’s paths may lead.
The relentless pursuit of wealth, career advancement, and recognition often distracts us from the connections and experiences that bring genuine joy and meaning to our lives. All too often, we unknowingly trade our faith, family, and inner peace for external validation and goals that far exceed our original aspirations. As Kohelet Rabbah 1:13 profoundly teaches, “He who has one hundred will want two hundred, and he who has two hundred will want four hundred.” The more we accumulate, the greater our desires grow, pulling us further into an endless cycle of striving—and further away from the relationships and values that truly nourish us.
I witness this dynamic in my work helping many who seem to have “it all” yet continue to miserablize and awfulize about what they believe they “should” and “must” have that they don’t. Despite their outward “success,” they often find themselves—and their families—grappling with a profound sense of emptiness, disconnection, and a lack of meaning. This paradox serves as a poignant reminder: fulfillment cannot be measured by material achievement alone. Instead, it stems from aligning our lives with our higher purpose, investing in meaningful relationships, and cultivating a connection to Hashem.
Judaism calls us to refocus our priorities, to balance our ambitions with gratitude, and to embrace a life of intention rather than simply empty indulgence. When we shift our gaze from the external toward the internal—when we prioritize our spiritual growth, cherish our loved ones, and nurture our souls—we discover a deeper, more enduring sense of fulfillment. True happiness lies not in how much we have, but in how present we are for what truly matters.
“Thank you.” When Leah, the mother of Yehuda, first brought words of hoda’ah, thanks, to the world, little did we know there’d one day be an entire science of gratitude serving our health and wellbeing. Finding what to be grateful for, instead of angering ourselves over what we don’t have, is a pillar of emotional health. When’s the last time you expressed genuine, heartfelt gratitude and shown your deep appreciation to Hashem for all that you have? Of course, having a full-time connection to Hashem is essential for a genuine life of deep, authentic and meaningful gratitude.
Remember that Leah didn’t say “Thank you” to Hashem until her fourth son was born. She thought she had been blessed with her portion of Jacob’s 12 sons with the three sons she had. But when she gave birth to her fourth son, well, that was quite the surprise, one she hadn’t even requested, and thus, the name of that son, Yehuda. The Torah tells us how Leah, when her fourth son was born said,
אוֹדֶ֣ה אֶת־יְהֹוָ֔ה “This time, I will give thanks to God.”
The root letters of “odeh” – “I will give thanks,” form the basis of the name that Leah chose for her son, Yehudah, from which we get the name “Judah.” And from “Judah” we get the word “Judaism.” We see here that the greatest responsibility we have is to give thanks, since in doing so we bring more holiness into the world. When we awake and say, “Thank you,” when we seek out 100 blessings each day, we create more blessings, as did Leah.
I’m reminded of the little boy who was out flying his kite on a windy day. The wind was terrific that day and the kite was soaring high into the clouds. A man walked by and asked the boy what he was doing. “I’m flying my kite,” said the boy. The man looked, couldn’t see any kite and said, “I don’t see any kite. How do you know you’re flying a kite?” The boy answered, “Mr., because I can feel the tug.”
Do you feel this tug in every moment of your life? That’s what positive spirituality is about – finding that tug in our lives. Menahem Mendel of Kotzk taught that Hashem is wherever we let Him in. It is up to us to feel His presence, to discover His tug in every moment, in every situation, and to let Him into our lives.
Hashem promises Jacob in this week’s Torah reading that he will feel His tug, “And behold, I am with you, and I will guard you wherever you go, and I will restore you to this land, for I will not forsake you until I have done what I have spoken concerning you.” And Jacob goes on to say, “Indeed, the Lord is in this place, and I did not know [it].” How reassuring it is to feel the tug of Hashem with us in every step we take, regardless of where we are and what we are doing. How do we know He is with us? We feel His tug.
The Kobriner Rebbe asked his students, “Do you know where God is?” He took a piece of bread, showed it to them, and observed: “God is in this piece of bread. Without God’s expression of power in all nature, this bread would have no existence.”
Jacob in our parsha found a ladder in the middle of the wilderness that connected heaven and earth. What if he didn’t? We all have moments where we can say Shehecheyanu, where we can say thanks for being granted life, for Hashem sustaining us and enabling us to reach a particular occasion. Do you see the Shehecheyanu ticks that fill your life?
Do we only express gratitude when the unexpected, the unanticipated, or the unrequested occurs in our lives? No, of course not. We are a people who understand that everything in life is a gift from Hashem – everything. We wisely have no sense of entitlement whatsoever to anything that comes our way. We understand that everything happens FOR us, not TO us. We have no belief that “it’s coming to me.” We may not be able to discern why we have – or don’t have –but we are always able to live up to our name with an honest attitude of gratitude and thanks to Hashem, which is after all our name, Yehudim.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun.