By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Looking back over my past columns, I found my column for Hanukkah 2014. Since I’m always accused of being too partisan (guilty as charged), I want to reprint it in the spirit of Hanukkah which is ultimately about fighting for tolerance.
1. I won’t ask the President of the United States to pardon two potatoes.
2. I won’t expect to find a new Lexus wrapped in a red bow in my driveway. If anyone wants to give me a Lexus, please wrap it in a blue and white bow.
3. I won’t place a diorama of Judah Maccabee rededicating the Temple on my front lawn
4. I won’t get gifts dirty and smelly by wrapping them in socks.
5. I won’t force an old and morbidly obese man who is way past retirement age to deliver presents in a flying vehicle that has not passed FAA inspection and whose reindeer were never checked by the TSA. If he does decide to bring packages to people on my gift list anyway, I won’t ask him to perpetrate home invasions by climbing down their chimneys.
6. I won’t light Chanukah candles near a cut tree which is drying out and highly flammable.
7. I won’t disturb the peace in my neighborhood by traipsing around outside with a group of other Jews singing Chanukah songs.
8. I won’t trample anyone while shopping for Chanukah gifts on Black Friday.
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Laurie Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.
Although eight is the appropriate number for this, I will suggest two more:
9. I will not clutter my lawn and trees with hundreds of blue-and-white lights and gigantic blow-up vinyl balloons of menorahs and dreidels.
10. I will not begin celebrating Chanukah the day after Halloween, nor will I begin celebrating Pesach the day after Chanukah.