By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Unaware that there are two other branches of government that can challenge his authority [though Congress is apparently unaware of this fact too], Donald Trump (aka Donelon Trusk) has decided to impose a new constitution on the United States.
Preamble to the Constitution
I, the current president and future third-term president, perhaps even fourth and fifth term president if Robert F. Kennedy finds a superfood that makes me immortal, in order to form a more perfect oligarchy, establish injustice, insure isolationism except when other countries should belong to the United States, provide for my lackies, promote their welfare, and secure my Executive Orders, do ordain and establish this Donstitution for the United States of America.
Article. I.
All legislative powers previously granted to Congress shall be vested in me. Congressmen who oppose me won’t be reelected after I primary them with funding from Elon.
The qualifications for members of the House of Representatives and Senate shall be that they look like they are out of central casting and are not DEI hires. They shall swear their oath of office on a copy of The Art of the Deal and vow loyalty to me. Blue states shall be represented by one congressman and one senator. Red states shall have three congressmen and senators. Any changes in the Donstitution and nullification of election results of Democrats and Rinos will require a two/thirds majority of both houses. [Based on my mastery of mathematics from the Wharton School, I know this guarantees that Congress will never block my policies.] Musk will be in charge of appropriations and the creation and dismantling of Federal departments.
Article II
The executive Power shall be vested in a President of the United States of America. He shall hold his Office for as long as he likes, but he has the prerogative to switch vice-presidents on the grounds of disloyalty. FOX News will be charge of presidential elections and tabulating the votes. All ballots will be paper and must be approved by election officials appointed by the president before being placed in the ballot box. The president must be a natural born citizen whose father was a real estate tycoon. The President will serve as the commander and chief of the armed forces and the executive director of the Kennedy Center.
Upon entering office, the President must take the following oath: “I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute criminal aliens and deport others who weren’t born in the United States. I also will pursue policies that enrich my family, friends, and wealthy donors. No other branch of government can impeach me and previous attempts to do will be expunged from the Congressional Record. The President has the right to pardon whomever he damn well pleases.
Article III
The judicial power of the United States shall be vested in one supreme Court. I will appoint all its justices and those of inferior Courts. Courts can rule on civil and criminal cases, but never on Donstitutional matters and presidential policies. Judicial appointments will be vetted by the Heritage Foundation and passed by a two/thirds majority of the Senate. [That Wharton Math expertise comes in handy!] The trial of all crime except impeachment shall be by Juries selected by the Heritage Foundation. [I’m busy golfing and don’t have time to approve jurors.]
Bill of Rights
The Bill of Rights are null and void except for the right to bear arms and worship Jesus Christ.
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Laurie Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.