By Joel H. Cohen
NEW YORK — President Trump wished world Jewry a happy Purim last week, but at the same urged that Jews take seriously Haman’s protestations of innocence.
Attacking what he called the “corrupt media” of ancient Persia and modern publications throughout the world, he asked rhetorically: “Whatever happened to due process?”
Trump contended in a tweet that people’s lives have been “shattered and destroyed by a mere allegation” and that “you have to remember that Haman said very strongly that he is innocent. He totally denied the charges. Said it didn’t happen.
“And yet they hanged him. SAD.
Even when he begged the queen for mercy, she turned him down, HARSH.”
In a later tweet, the president commented: “You know, the ancients did to Haman what the corrupt media and fake news are doing to some of our best people today. I’m thinking of Judge Roy Moore, Rob Porter, David Sorensen, many others —convicting people who say over and over again that they’re innocent. And doing it without due process. WITCH HUNTS!”
He continued: “And look what they even tried with DJT, fake-reporting that dozens of women were accusing me of harassment. TOTAL FABRICATION. I never even met them, and, frankly, several of them would not be my choice.
“Like Haman, I was treated very unfairly. Whether or not Haman was a ‘bad guy,’ Trump continued, “he was a strong leader, who — until his tragic end — got things done.”
As for the Jews of that time – “wonderful people, by the way. Nobody loves them more than I do. But if they all had spears and swords, and the bad guys tried anything, the weapons would have been flying in the other direction. And then, goodbye, bad guys.
“If I’d been there back then ,I would have jumped in, even if I didn’t have a weapon.”
On another Purim-related subject, Trump said he’d been reading [or, more accurately, Ivanka had been reading to him] stories of ancient Persia. Based on those readings, the president ridiculed the “meToo” movement that arose there that alleged that Queen Vashti had been the victim of domestic abuse.
“Just because her husband [King Ahaseurus] kicked her out because she wouldn’t appear in the altogether before his supporters. Big deal! That whole story is just one more example of fake news from the crooked media.
“”There were plenty of women, young beautiful women, waiting eagerly to take Vashti’s place. Finally, the king settled down with a real number-ten, Esther. Powerful men need a change of pace. You’ve got to admire the king for taking care of Numero Uno.”
Happy Purim.
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San Diego Jewish World assures readers who are new to freelance writer Joel Cohen’s “Just Kidding” columns that they are satirical and should not be taken seriously.