‘Mission Accomplished’ Tweets
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — “A perfectly executed strike last night. Thank you to France and the United Kingdom for their wisdom and the power of their fine Military. Could not have had a better result. Fake news is spending more time covering this story than on the Michael Cohen and Russia witch hunts. Mission Accomplished!” Donald Trump
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“On verge of defeating the last bastions of rebel resistance. Iran, Russia, and the United States have almost eliminated ISIS. Still have plenty of conventional arms and hidden chemical weapons to kill and intimidate my citizens. Mission Accomplished!” Bashar al-Assad.
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“Brexit won. Trump got elected. Russia is the dominant foreign power in Syria. Russian troops remain in Crimea. Have poisoned dissidents on foreign soil. Won my election with 75 % of the vote. Cyber warfare continues to manipulate elections in other countries and can control their energy grids when needed. Mission Accomplished!” Vladimir Putin
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“Successfully tested intercontinental missiles and larger nuclear bombs. North Korean athletes competed in the Winter Olympics. Even though I insulted the President of the United States, he has agreed to meet with me. Mission Accomplished!” Kim Jong-Un
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“While denying climate change, I have accelerated it. Companies need not worry about dumping waste in rivers. Factories and new cars can release more hydrocarbons into the air. No more fuel efficiency minimums. Emissions Accomplished!” Scott Pruitt
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally