By Natasha Josefowitz, Ph.D.
LA JOLLA, California — This is the story of a green banana.
I like green bananas, not so green that they taste bitter, but not so yellow that they are mushy. When I came into our dining room this morning for breakfast at 6:45 am, which is when a small group of us congregate on a regular basis, I was greeted with “Natasha, good news: we have green bananas!” Why is that important? First, because it shows that there are people here who know me well enough to remember that I like green bananas. Second, there are people here who care enough about me to announce this as good news; they want me to be happy. I am both known and cared for. (Maybe cared for in spite of being that well-known!) This interaction this morning made me feel good because it sent dopamine, the feel good hormone, coursing through my blood. Dopamine is known to relax arteries and increase the ease of blood flow. Relaxed arteries contribute to longevity. So not only will I live longer because I have friends who care for me, but they will also live longer because they too get a surge of dopamine for the pleasure felt by providing good news.
This is an example of the reason studies have shown that people who live in communities are not only healthier, but live seven and a half years longer than people who are isolated. This is also the reason that people with pets live longer. It is not only because you go out more to walk your dog, it is because when your dog looks at you with loving eyes and wags his tail or your cat gently purrs on your lap, you get a surge of dopamine.
The benefits to your immune system depend on the number of people you encounter in a 24-hour period. In a community environment, just by walking down a hallway, I am greeted with “Hi Natasha? How did your meeting go yesterday?” Someone knows and cares; another small surge of dopamine is released. What is important is that this goes both ways. My asking someone if they liked the play last night—in other words, knowing they went and caring enough to ask about their reaction also gives me a small shot of that feel-good hormone.
The small shot becomes a big shot when you extend yourself in rendering some kind of service, being helpful, being compassionate, being loving. It is amazing how much in control we are of our own well-being by just being appreciative of every gesture given and received. In addition, it is surprising how much control we have in increasing the blood flow in the arteries of others just by caring.
However, there is an issue that impacts the older population. Some of use lose our filters. What this means is that the part of our brains which controls the expression of our feelings gets atrophied and we blurt out exasperation at the string beans being under or over-cooked and yell at the hapless waiter who also forgot the gravy. We get impatient in a way we would not have been a few years ago. Although retired, we suddenly get upset at having to wait—to be seated, to be served. We forget that the young waiter is a college student in his first job or a slightly older waitress who got up at 4 am, took care of her family and drove a long distance with the rising gas prices undercutting her minimal wage pay. Then when she finally serves us, after setting the tables and organizing the buffet, she gets berated because “oh horrors” —the most terrible thing just happened: the coffee is lukewarm.
This matters more than you might think because negative interactions release a dose of cortisol, the stress hormone, which narrows your arteries as well as hers. Repeatedly being impatient and feeling put upon can lead to a heart attack or a stroke.
Go ahead, get mad and die young! Well, not really young; it is too late for most of us seniors to die young. What we need to learn is to respond with patience, understanding, and respect.
So become aware of your failing filters and exercise some control over your aging brain. If you’re not going to be kind because you’re basically a good person, then you can be kinder, gentler and more compassionate because it will make you healthier and live longer.
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© Natasha Josefowitz. This article appeared initially in the La Jolla Village News. You may comment to natasha.josefowitz@sdjewishworld.com
Thanks for the optimistic, well-written article Natasha! Delighted to read your words, always.