By Joel H. Cohen
NEW YORK — In a rare instance of studying applicable law and history – (okay, Ivanka read the passages to him) — President Trump has learned that there are hardly any requirements for someone to serve as a U.S. Supreme Court justice.
Unlike standards for U.S. president, senator or member of the House of Representatives, there are no prerequisites of age, place of birth, or experience to serve on the Court. In its earliest years, justices didn’t even have to be lawyers.
So Trump has drawn up a list of favorite potential jurists, many without qualifications, several of them Jewish, from which he will nominate a Supreme Court candidate for Senate approval, as soon as next week.
Based on what he has tweeted or told intimates, here are some of the individuals he’s been considering:
Because there is no requirement for a justice to have been born in the United States – for example, Felix Frankfurter was born in Austria — BIBI NETANYAHU – who, although a native of Tel Aviv, spent years in the U.S. He was educated here and is fluent in English. He’s not having smooth sailing in Israel, and has been a wonderful friend.
JARED KUSHNER— he’s a great kid, and knows his way around a legal discussion. Sure, he’s related to me, but where was the corrupt press when John F. Kennedy made his brother Bobby attorney general?
SEAN HANNITY would be a sensational justice, but he’s too important as a commentator setting the crooked press straight with honest news.
MICHAEL COHEN, a long shot, but worth considering. I’d have to pardon him, and it would be a struggle with those dimwit Dems to get him through the confirmation process. But it would keep him from going off at the mouth about me to that corrupt Mueller.
ALAN DERSHOWITZ –Doesn’t always agree with my people’s take on the law, but he’s been consistently loyal, and he’s got a great legal mind.
STEPHEN MILLER- Would hate to lose this guy, who helps me with great speeches, but I would appoint him for the good of the country He’s smart as a ship. Reminds me of myself at that age. There’s been a guy as young as 32 named to the court, so Steve’s youth is no problem. And, trust me, he’s strong. His heart won’t break over Hispanic kids crying for their mothers. He won’t be conned by any sob story.
ROSEANNE BARR — To counterbalance those three shrews who are married to liberal causes. Rosie has always stood by me and my people, and she’s out of work, so that job would be a neat gift.
DIANA ROSS, leader of the Supremes – a joke…She was the lead singer of the Supremes, and “Supremes” is what the justices of the Supreme Court are called. Trust me, a lot of people don’t know that.
And, another joke – To really shake them up, I could name Merrick Garland, the goody two-shoes nominee Obama tried to push through in his last year, but Mitch McConnell wouldn’t even let the Senate discuss him.
JUDGE JUDY – Not sure about her politics, but she never took any nonsense from the nervous nellies on her show.
RUDY GIULIANI – Been with me from Day One. His opinions would be a hoot.
JEFF SESSIONS—He’d love the honor of being nominated, even though he probably couldn’t make it through the committee. It would be one way to gracefully remove the disloyal so-and-so, who never told me he was going to recuse himself in the Russia investigation. (Absolutely, no collusion.)
Actually, there are many, many tremendous people in my great cabinet, who’d all make super justices supporting my agenda.
DONALD J. TRUMP – President Taft did it, and I could nominate myself to be chief justice of the court, but it would have to wait until I left office.
With whatever person I name, believe me, there’s going to be a whole different approach to abortion rights, union rights, illegal immigrants (including 5-year-old drug-smugglers), environmental and corporate regulations, health care, gay rights, tariffs. So hold on to your hats.
Thanks to Anthony Kennedy, a great family man (he didn’t always vote the way I like, but an outstanding justice). By retiring during my presidency, he’s done a great service for the USA — and, mainly, for DJT, me.
Can’t wait for the new court term to begin.
*
Readers who are new to freelance writer Joel Cohen’s “Just Kidding” columns are advised that they are satirical and should not be taken seriously.