13 Grounds to Strip Your Clearance
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−Federal employees can lose their security clearance for thirteen reasons. Criticizing the president after leaving office is not one. Since Trump isn’t familiar with these reasons, here’s a song set to the tune of 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover to teach him.
Former agents of the FBI or CIA
Can speak out as citizens of the USA.
You can criticize, it’s the American way.
There are thirteen grounds to strip your clearance.
Here’s my advice and I am not hesitant.
It should be heeded by the clown who’s president
If he hopes to remain a White House resident.
There are thirteen grounds to strip your clearance.
Thirteen grounds to strip your clearance.
If you plan a revolt, dolt.
If you collude, dude.
Commit a crime, slime.
Or you’re a spy,
If there’s a bribe vibe.
Computer hack, Jack.
Or you’re too compromised.
Are a drunk punk?
If you use drugs, thug.
If you’re a perve, Irv.
Obstruct a case, Ace.
If you’re insane, Wayne.
Or your loyalty’s split, Twit.
Then you’ll be smoked,
And your clearance revoked.
These are the grounds as enumerated.
Mr. Trump, you are more than implicated.
You are guilty of failing strict adherence,
You’re the one who should lose his clearance.
Because you collude, dude.
Computer hack, Jack.
Obstructed a case, Ace.
You were too compromised.
Despite your denials
No more secret files.
These are grounds to strip your clearance.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.