Donald Trump on the Stump
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−“Sadly, it looks like Mexico’s Police and Military are unable to stop the Caravan heading to the Southern Border of the United States. Criminals and unknown Middle Easterners are mixed in. Why else would they call it caravan? They disguised its Middle Eastern origins by ditching their camels.”
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“Democrats are paying members of the caravan to try and get into the US to harm Republicans in the midterms. A lot of money has been passing to people to come up and try and get to the border because they think that’s a negative for us. Since I don’t have any proof, I don’t want to reveal who I suspect of bankrolling this stunt, but by George, I think you can figure it out.”
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“I condemn the pipe bombs sent to Hillary Clinton and other leaders of the Democratic angry mob. I distinctly called for my followers to “lock her up” not blow her up.
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“We’re putting America first… it hasn’t happened in a lot of decades. The Democrats are “globalists who want the globe to do well by frankly not caring about our country much. I am not a globalist because I don’t believe scientists when they claim the world is round.”
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“The Saudis had a very bad original concept. It was carried out poorly and the cover-up was one of the worst in the history of cover-ups. If they had used a cane tipped in one of Putin’s poisons to kill Khashoggi in a public place and relied on my lawyers and press secretary to create a credible alibi for the Crown Prince, then the Fake News would have no one to blame.”
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.