Trumpy Bear Replaces Smokey the Bear
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO-This week a television advertising campaign started to run on Fox News for Trumpy Bear, a stuffed Grizzly bear who sports a Donald Trump hairpiece and contains an American flag inside his zippered pouch. But this is no toy! After touring the sites of the California wildfires, President Trump requested the resignation of Smokey the Bear as the spokes animal for the U.S. Forest Service and appointed Trumpy as his replacement. The President explained that he had taken the step because Smokey migrated illegally from Canada and refuses to wear a MAGA hat. Smokey has subsequently been deported to Saudi Arabia.
Trumpy’s first public service announcement features him holding a rake and saying, “Only rakes can prevent forest fires.” Trumpy then displays a map of Finland colored primarily in green where forests flourish with only a few spots of red indicating where forests have burnt down. He compares this to a map of California engulfed in red even through Democrats dominated the midterm Congressional and Gubernatorial elections. Trumpy doubts the California forest fires are caused by global warning, protracted drought, and high winds. Instead, he blames Californians for not raking leaves or clearing brush like they do in Finland whose climate and topography he claims are just like California’s. Even better from Trumpy’s perspective is that Finland is located next his favorite country Russia. Trumpy has scheduled a meeting with Secretary of Interior Ryan Zinke to introduce long-range plan for preventing forest fires in California through intensive logging. If Californians won’t rake their leaves, then they must get rid of the source of those leaves, namely trees. Meanwhile, stock market analysts have reported that Trumpy recently invested heavily in lumber corporations. Before the Democratic House of Representatives can investigate whether this constitutes a conflict of interest, Trumpy plans to hibernate for the remainder of the President’s first term.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.