Humoring the headlines: January 16, 2019

SAT (Satisfactory Answers Test) for William Barr

By Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO−So far, William Barr has displayed verbal dexterity in evading direct answers to questions about what parts of Mueller’s final report he would release to Congress, about whether he would recuse himself from overseeing the Mueller investigation if the ethics experts at the Department of Justice recommended he do so, and whether a sitting president can be indicted.  To shorten the confirmation process and ascertain his objectivity in these matters, I propose administering a short multiple choice test to the nominee for Attorney General.

1. Robert Mueller issues his report. What do you do with it?
   A. Shred it because the investigation was a witch hunt.
   B. Redact all sections that implicate the president and release it.
   C. Send it to Fox News and let Hannity decide what will get released.
   D. Post it on the Department of Justice website.
2. The ethics experts recommend that you recuse yourself from overseeing the Mueller investigation. Do you heed their recommendation?
   A. I recuse myself after firing Rod Rosenstein and replacing him with Rudy Giuliani.
   B. No because I remember what happened to Jeff Sessions and don’t like being demeaned.
   C. Yes because I am keenly aware that I am not impartial about the validity of the investigation.
   D. No because the ethics experts are a bunch of angry Democrats who supported Hillary Clinton.                                        
3. Can a sitting president be indicted for a criminal offense?
   A. Only if he shoots someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue.
   B. Yes, if he has colluded with an enemy or obstructed justice.
   C. I’ll decide after consulting with Brett Kavanaugh over a few pitchers of beer.
   D. No, and, this also applies to the president when he is standing and playing golf.

Answers: 1.D; 2.C;3.B.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.