What Trump Was Thinking
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO-Trump outdid himself this week by making comments that were so patently false they would turn Pinocchio’s nose into a Redwood, but they all were true if we could hear what he was thinking immediately after making them.
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I don’t do cover-ups (especially when I am seducing women who aren’t my wife).
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I am the most transparent president in history (and that’s why Mueller saw right through my attempts to obstruct justice.)
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You can’t investigate and legislate simultaneously (but I can investigate the origins of the Russian hoax at the same time I build the wall, pass more tax cuts that favor the wealthy, and get more reactionary federal judges approved by the Senate.)
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All of a sudden, I hear last night that the Democrats were going to have a meeting right before this meeting to talk about the ‘I-word.’ The ‘I-word.’ Can you imagine? (The only ‘I-word’ I can imagine is the one I think about when Ivanka is looking particularly hot.)
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Rex Tillerson was dumb as a rock and totally ill prepared and ill equipped to be Secretary of State, (but that didn’t stop me from appointing him to that position because he still was the best person on my list of potential nominees).
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.